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Afraid to Attend a Shiva? It's Okay.

One of the most wonderful things you can do for a person is comfort her in a time of loss. It's also one of the hardest things to do—especially if you don't know what you’re doing. In Judaism, after a funeral there are usually several chances to attend a shiva service. These are usually short and less formal, in someone's home. People bring food, then someone tells them to eat all of the food because people brought too much food.

If you've never been to a shiva, I can understand why you might shy away from the idea of attending one. So Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor and I are writing a Shiva FAQ.

Give us your questions! We'll do our best to answer them.

My New Job

Before I had children, I defined myself by my job. “I’m Jacqueline Ross Lieberman. The food editor. The writer. I work for a national magazine.”

Then I left my job and began freelancing. Some days it felt like I was hanging over an abyss. I'd think, "If I’m not writing right now, what am I? If I keep switching the kinds of jobs I take, how do I define myself?"

Then I had Noah and I became “mom.” Did that mean I was only “mom?” Of course not. Now I’ve grown to realize that I’m more than one thing. I write. I develop recipes. I teach. I’m Noah and Evy’s mommy. I’m Eric’s wife. I’m an active member of my congregation. I’m a blogger. I am all of these things. None of these things define me.

Last week I agreed to license the Westfield section of The Alternative Press with a new business partner, Tom Cusmano. He’ll sell the ads, I’ll be in charge of editorial. This effectively makes me the managing editor of The Alternative Press in Westfield. It’s an opportunity to do something new and exciting, and it's going to take up a lot of my life. But I’m realizing it doesn’t change who I am.

I am all of these things and more. And, as I like to say of my kids, I’m still growing.

Tisha B'Av--Remember That One?

Tisha B'Av starts the evening of July 28. To be honest, I've only observed this fasting holiday once in my life, when I was just 17 and on a NFTY trip to Israel. Before that, I'd never even heard of it. Why don't Reform Jews observe this holiday more? My theory is that it got left out of our education because it's a summer holiday and we didn't learn about it at Hebrew school.

What are your thoughts? Should we be more aware of Tisha B'Av? And how should we go about educating our kids about it?

Am I Oversharing?

Last week, my friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor sent me a great article about how many of us overshare about our kids lives in our blogs and on social media. She included this note: “BTW, I don’t think this is something you’re prone to.”

Well, that’s nice to hear. But I do worry about how much I share about my children, both on this blog and on Facebook. They say that good writing is personal, but I also have to keep in mind that sometime in the not-too-distant future Noah and Evelyn will learn to read, so I need to consider how they will feel about everything I’ve put out there about their lives.

“I think the article picks up on privacy as well as the values of shalom bayit (peace in the house) and lashonhara (gossip). It also has to do with respect for our kids and families—not to air embarrassing stuff in public, not to share what should be private with the whole world,” Leah told me. “It’s something I also struggle with it in my preaching—what and how much to share on the bima—not only of my kids’ lives but mine, too. Often the inspiration for a sermon might be in a struggle or insight I have had in my personal or family life, but that’s not what I share. Sometimes I even wind up with two sermons—the one just for me with all of the personal details and the one to share in public.”

Thinking about this article also reminded me that there’s a very real danger in sharing too much. For instance, child safety experts warn not to post our location when we post photos of our kids because we could unwittingly tell predators their favorite spots in the park and even how to reach their bedrooms. 

When do you think we’re telling too much? What are your worries? Or do you think we’re all overthinking? Leave a comment and join the conversation.

Shalom, Grover

I recently learned that treif is all the rage in Israeli restaurants, which is a huge change since I was there last. In 1994. Hmmm ... maybe I should travel more.

Anyhow, that bacon and shrimp are so popular in the land of hummus makes me think that Miss Piggy is more likely these days to be accepted should she decide to grace Shalom Sesame with an appearance. What made that pop into my head? Because my son is learning about Israel and Hebrew at camp, which made me decide to pick up a copy of  Grover Learns Hebrew at the library and play it for him when we got home and, from around the corner, I could hear it and for some reason that blue Muppet sounds a lot like that pink one.

And now you know how my brain works.

Sukkot Already?!

Of course not. But I'm already making plans! Last year I posted a virtual sukkah hop on this blog. This year I'll participate in a real one with Temple Sholom. I got the email with the date earlier this week and it's on my calendar. I wonder how many people will visit my sukkah. I wonder whose sukkah I'll get to visit. What am I going to serve?