Fun with “Adon Olam”

When I was a student getting ready for my bat mitzvah, I remember my Hebrew school teacher kept the end of each service interesting by letting us pick the tune for the last song, “Adon Olam.” For some reason, this hym works with just about every tune you can imagine. My favorite was “Gilligan’s Island.”

Thought of that today when my youth group friend Caroline shared this awesome video on Facebook today:

Feeling at Home

It's been too long since I blogged. I've been working hard as the Westfield licensee for TheAlternativePress.com and spending time with my family, which are both good things.

Today I ran across an article shared on Facebook by my hometown rabbi, Rabbi Mark Levin of Congregation Beth Torah in Overland Park, KS, and I just had to share it here. Called, "New to Jewish Prayer? Nine Tips for Beginners," it's a must for anyone visiting a synagogue for the first time or who maybe hasn't been to one in some time. Click here to read it.

Speaking of Beth Torah, I'm reminded of my childhood congregation as, I'm happy to say, Temple Sholom of Fanwood/Scotch Plains will hold a groundbreaking ceremony tomorrow for our new building! I spent many years with both congregations as we underwent the building and fundraising processes. I hope my Temple Sholom family is as happy in our new home next year as my friends at Beth Torah are in theirs.

Looking forward to what the future will bring!

Giving up Chametz, and Gaining Perspective

More than ever before, my five-year-old son, Noah, really "got" the concept of giving up chametz (leavened foods) for Passover this year. We talked at length about how eating certain foods--and not eating others--helps us remember who we are and where we came from.

It also helped him appreciate all of the things he takes for granted most days. I've never seen anyone so excited to buy hot dog buns.

Throughout the year, we Jews give up all kinds of things voluntarily. We even give up eating entirely on You Kippur. I'd like to think we do this not just because our ancestors did but because it's meaningful. And I'm happy to see that my children are learning that, too.

Prepping for Passover

This morning I am simultaneously making a seder and writing about a car accident for TheAlternativePress.com. My, how my life has changed. Last year, I might have been prepping for Passover and writing a story about prosciutto.

We'll have brisket, a traditional tsimmes, asparagus and--of course--matzo ball soup on our table tonight. What's everyone else serving this Pesach?

Debating the Best Hamantaschen Filling

Evelyn, Noah and Eric fill the hamantaschen.

Happy Purim! I love this holiday.

It's been years since I made hamantaschen. Like, since college. They're not usually my favorite cookie, and they're available for sale everywhere. But this year, on a whim, because Noah really wanted to make them, we did.

I found a great recipe in a cookie cookbook from Rosie's Bakery. It calls for a lot of butter. Essentially, these are more like shortbread cookies than the more cakey, dry hamantaschen that I'm not too fond of. So that took care of the cookie problem.

But the filling? I haven't decided what the perfect filling is. We used cherry preserves in some, chocolate chips in others and both the preserves and the chips in a few, and they were all quite tasty.

What's your favorite filling? And what have you tried that absolutely didn't work (so you can warn the rest of us!)?

This Shabbat, Let's Share Torah with Our Kids

As a blogger and a mom, I’m always looking for more ways to incorporate Judaism into our lives. So when my good friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor asked me if she should share on my blog how she’s teaching her five-year-old about the weekly Torah portion each Shabbat, of course I said “yes.” Here’s what she wrote:

Recently, my family has begun introducing a short conversation about the Torah portion of the week as part of our Shabbat dinner discussion. I like to think of the portion (parasha in Hebrew) as a shared conversation among the Jewish community—we all read the same section at the same time (beginning with the start of Genesis during the holiday of Simchat Torah in the fall and finishing at the end of Deuteronomy the next year). 

Sharing Torah with my family has been an excuse for me to slow down and pay attention when I read the portion and to really think about how it relates to my life and to my family. I admit it’s not always easy, and some of our conversations are more successful than others. But I plug on because I believe that, in the long run, it will help us all learn and live and connect with our ongoing Jewish conversation about how to live a life of meaning and blessing.

While each parasha often contains many different stories, rules and/or ideas within it, I usually find it easiest to focus on one or two aspects of the portion. Because we'll come back to it the next year, we can discuss a different element of the parasha then.

This week the parasha is called Yitro, and it contains within it the Ten Commandments. (You can read them in Exodus 20:1-14.)

Questions I’m thinking about:

1. What are the rules we have at home? At school? What would happen if we didn’t have rules? If you could make rules, what would you include?

2. This week, God shared with the Jewish people 10 Rules called the 10 Commandments. Here is my version of child-friendly ones:

- I the Eternal am your God
- Do not have any other gods and do not make any pictures (images) of God
- Be respectful when you talk about God
- Celebrate Shabbat
- Respect your parents
- Do not hurt people (the original commandment: do not murder)
- Married people should respect each other (the original commandment: do not commit adultery)
- Do not take things that are not yours
- Do not tell lies about other people
- Be happy with what you have (don’t be jealous of the things other people have)

3. Choose one or two to talk about. Maybe it’s about why Shabbat has become important to your family. Or maybe it’s an opportunity to talk about using our kind words. Or learning to be happy with what you have. Whatever the case, I think it’s important to never put a kid on the spot. Don’t be afraid to share about your experiences in these areas; or use a hypothetical (what would happen if…) as a way to get into the conversation. 

4. Also, leave room for your child to ask his or her own questions! Consider asking your child if there is a rule that should be added to the list… and what it would be!

5. A gem for parents: Right after the Ten Commandments, God continues to share rules with the Israelites. God says “you shall not make any gods of silver, nor shall you make for yourselves any gods of gold” (Ex. 20:20). The Israelites had just been told to not make any idols and to not be jealous of what others have (what I interpreted for the kids as “be happy with what you have.”) Why do they need an additional reminder?

It’s really hard for us to be satisfied with what we have. In particular, so many of us would like to have just a little bit more–whether to send the kids to summer camp or take a vacation or fix up the home or whatever the case. We say to ourselves that our happiness depends, in some measure, on that additional wealth. But when we do this, do we not verge on making an idol out of money (aka modern day “gold” and “silver”)? Yes, material wealth can make life easier, but it is never the end; rather, it is a means that can be put to wise and good use not only for us, but to better the world around us.

What an important reminder for us that we can, by not only our words but also by our deeds, teach our children a healthy, appropriate role for money and all of the material objects in our lives!

My "Emergency" Shabbat

We'd run out of Shabbat candles. We couldn't get groceries. We weren't going anywhere. What's a family to do but improvise?

This Friday, we had planned to spend Shabbat dinner at the JCC. Of course, life is what happens when you're making other plans. Evelyn came down with either a bad cold or a mild case of the flu (we'd all gotten the flu shot) and had a fever, which meant that we were staying home.

I opened the fridge. Half a gallon of milk, a few sticks of butter and a lot of condiments stared back at me. So I turned to the pantry. Angel hair pasta, dried garlic, olive oil ... a few fresh grape tomatoes. I did happen to have some Parmesan cheese in the fridge, so dinner was saved!

We used votive candles. I don't think they were kosher. I don't think it mattered. The important thing was, we were all together.

"Emergency" Shabbat Dinner:

Ingredients:

pasta
olive oil
a spoonful of minced dried or fresh garlic
chopped tomatoes
Parmesan cheese

Cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Pour enough oil into pot to coat the bottom; add garlic. Cook over medium heat until garlic begins to turn golden. Add tomatoes and cook until tomatoes begin to soften. Remove from heat: add pasta and toss to coat. Add more oil, if you need to. Serve with cheese.

Chinese Food, Movies, Friends and Family

What's a Jew to do on Christmas but spend some time with friends and family eating Chinese food and watching movies? This year we went to the Jewish Community Center of Central New Jersey for their "Chinese Food and a Movie" event.

Okay, so the kids didn't make it through the entire screening of "Finding Nemo." We had a great time, met some new people and even got to go swimming. Many thanks to the JCC for the free lunch and to the folks who went to work on Christmas to make it happen.

Menorah Art Projects for Hannukah

Every year my son's preschool has all of the kids go home and create a non-working menorah with their parents, then bring them in to share with the school. These families are so creative! Here are just a few of the homemade menorahs lining the halls:

This one's my favorite, of course, because it's the one Noah made with his daddy.

 That's Sammy Spider as a menorah, with 8 legs and a lollipop body for a shamash.

 

Happy Hannukah!

Hannukah Sukkah Sale!

It's that time of year again! A couple of months after Sukkot, the sukkah stores tend to offer their unsold wares at a discount, so it's a great time to get what you should have bought in the first place. Last January I bought our bamboo mat roof.

This month, The Sukkah Project is offering 10 percent off everything from this past sukkah season from now until the end of Hannukah. Plus they're offering discounts on other beautiful Judaica pieces that are perfect for Hannukah gifts. Enter the code SALE at checkout.

Tzedakah for Sandy

Noah is proud that he gave away two gently used backpacks from summer camp to kids who need them.

I've been a bit preoccupied during the last two weeks. You know--superstorm, power outages, internet outages, the gas shortage, no school ... And on top of that I was trying to keep the public informed as the Westfield editor of The Alternative Press.

Now that things are starting to feel a little less apocalyptic, our family is thinking about how lucky we are in all this. Friends of ours are out of their house because a huge tree fell through the top floor. Entire communities have been washed away.

We decided it's time to break open the tzedakah boxes. Noah has one we've been putting coins into since he was born, and we have two more that we add to every Shabbat. On top of that, there's a big coin bank on top of Eric's dresser full of loose change that we've decided should be a tzedakah box, as well. All told, we probably have about $150 in coins that we're going to take to the bank with the kids to be sent somewhere worthwhile.

The question is: Where should we send it?

Are We Talking About “The Holidays” Already?

Yesterday I got a catalog in the mail that said, “It’s not too late to get holiday gifts for everyone on your list!” I hope not. It’s October.

 Then today I saw this post by an acquaintance on Facebook:

So, good for him. And at least he isn’t assuming Hannukah is the Jewish Christmas. But I don’t really want to be wished a Merry Christmas. It always makes me feel so awkward. After all of these years, I still never know how to respond. I usually just mumble, “You, too.”

Am I wrong? Should I just "get over it" like this person says? And what's the right response? I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment.

Second Annual Sunday Sukkah Hop

Welcome to my second annual virtual sukkah hop, brought to you by Temple Sholom's first annual actual sukkah hop, which took place yesterday.

We began at Temple Sholom's sukkah, where rabbi Abraham explained that it is a mitzvah to eat in the sukkah during Sukkot:

We all noshed on some pumpkin bread, then it was on to the Saltzman sukkah:

Rabbi Abraham helped Noah shake the lulav

Then we all hopped in our cars and drove to the Brenner sukkah:

Next up was Ellen Berman's sukkah:

And last, but not least, the Lieberman sukkah:

Sukkah Decorating

So far, our sukkah looks a lot like it did last year. But I love the ideas in this article by Temple Beth El Mekor Chayim in Cranford. I think it's time to take a trip to the crafts store!

Do you have some decorating ideas we should know about? Share them by leaving a comment!

Sukkah's Up, and in Time for Dinner!

Eric wanted to get an early start putting the sukkah together today, and we're glad he did.

 

 

 

 

Soon after he rolled out the bamboo mat roof, it started to rain.

 

Lucky for us, the downpour ended before dinner time. With the cooler air, chicken cacciatore over rice turned out to be the perfect first-night-of-Sukkot supper.

 

I Think I Wanna Build a Booth

Yom Kippur is over. Weather.com is predicting rain for the next couple of days. The etrog and lulav that I ordered through the temple have arrived. It must be time to put up the sukkah!

Thanks to Sarah Abrams for sharing this inspiring video:



Where do you think they got that etrog?!

For those of you who are putting up a sukkah for the first time (or you did it before but it's been a whole year so you sort of forgot a few things), here's the link back to the entry where Eric and I figured out how to put our sukkah together: http://www.weboughtasukkah.blogspot.com/2011/10/lumber-party.html

A Visit From Shabbat Bear on Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah fell on a Monday and Tuesday, and we had some wonderful company visiting for the long weekend--Grandma Helene, Papa Stu ... and Shabbat Bear from Noah's preschool! Shabbat Bear takes turns going to kids' homes over Shabbat. We keep a journal of all of his adventures to share with the class. Here's everyone on Friday night. (Except me. I'm the one holding the camera, of course).

Shabbat Bear will have plenty to talk about this week at preschool. Sunday night, we were joined by Eric's sister Caryn and her husband, Dave. Based on what was available at Trader Joe's on Friday afternoon and what I already had in the house, I decided to make a brisket, mashed potatoes, haricots verts (that's fancy green beans) sauteed with garlic and shallots, and roasted wedges of acorn squash flavored with Maple & Spice Pepper from Savory Spice Shop in Westfield, NJ. (I highly recommend it!) And a big salad, of course.

After dinner, Eric and I ditched his family for services at Temple Sholom. Thanks for watching the kids, guys!

The next morning, we took Grandma and Grandpa with us to the children's service. Here we are before the kids had a chance to get all sticky at the apples and honey table:

But wait, the parties weren't over! We had dinner with Eric's whole family at his brother Adam's house that night and lunch with our good friends Tuesday afternoon. I have to say, it was one of the nicest Rosh Hashanahs I can remember. I certainly think Shabbat Bear enjoyed himself.

How did you spend the holiday?

What's for Rosh Hashanah Dinner?

I've got guests coming over for the first night of Rosh Hashanah and I have no idea what I'm going to make. I need inspiration! What are you making? Leave a comment and share your menu plans and recipes.

Your Frequently Asked Shiva Questions, Answered

While I was on the board of trustees at Temple Sholom, I was surprised to discover that I was expected to attend shivas for people in the community who I didn’t know well or even at all. I had only ever been to two before, and they were for family members. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if I could handle it. I didn’t want to go.

Luckily for me, I’m good friends with a rabbi. So I asked Leah Doberne-Schor lots of questions while I worked up the nerve to visit a house of mourning. I asked things like “What do I wear?” and “Am I supposed to bring food?”

Leah also explained answers to questions I hadn’t thought of, like “Don’t ring the bell. Just head on in.”

Armed with this information, I was able to handle going to a shiva just fine, and I’ve gone to many more since then. Guess what? I think we’re all better for it—me and the mourners. I didn’t catch their pain. I just tried to hlep them understand that they are not alone.

Keeping in mind that a lack of knowledge may be what holds you back from attending a shiva, Leah and I created this Shiva FAQ. Please read it and pass around the link to this page to those who you think could use it!

Q. What is a shiva? 

A. Let’s start by explaining the Jewish funeral. The purpose of a funeral is to bury the deceased. That is considered a sacred obligation that must be accomplished in the speediest manner possible.

But once the funeral is over, our attention turns to the family of the deceased—to the mourners. Jewish tradition teaches that mourners need time to grieve their loss, and that it is the responsibility of the community to be there to comfort them.

The first seven days are considered a period of most intense mourning (shiva means “seven”), a time when in some communities mourners return to their homes or to the home of the deceased, separate from everyday tasks and spend time mourning their loss.

During this time, the community’s job is to comfort the mourners, in particular by visiting them during the period of shiva.

It isn’t usually easy to pay a shiva call. It can feel uncomfortable or awkward to visit when you know the purpose is to be there for a friend or community member who has just lost someone. We don’t know what to say or what to do. Some of the customs can feel strange to us.

And yet, it is important to attend. We can make such a difference simply by being there.

Q. When should I arrive? 

A. This depends on the family. Many times a family will announce “hours of visitation.” In some communities, services are held at the house in order to ensure that there is a minyan (10 adult Jews, or, in some communities, 10 adult Jewish men) so that the mourners can recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. If there is to be a worship service, consider coming at that time. If you’re coming at a different time, it’s best to call ahead.

Also, be respectful. If you’re going to an evening minyan, try to arrive a little early to visit, and don’t stay too late. Generally a shiva visit should last no more than an hour, maybe less.

Q. What should I wear?

A. If you’re stopping by the home of a dear friend in the middle of the day, it doesn’t matter. If you’re coming to one of the evening services or to “hours of visitation” for people you don’t know well, you can’t go wrong with business casual—for instance, khakis or slacks with button-down or polo shirt for men, dresses, skirts, or nice pants for women.

Q. What if I don’t know them that well? It feels awkward to just stop by!

A. If the announcement has gone out to the community, then this is a family that wants members of their community to be there for them. Just do it! You don’t have to stay long, but your presence does make a difference, particularly if they might be short the 10 folks needed for a minyan service.

Q. What should I bring? 

A. Most importantly, yourself! You are engaging in the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Just being there can let someone know that she or he isn’t alone, that others love and care for them.

That said, it’s traditional to bring or help provide a meal for mourners. Casseroles and fruit salads are popular, as are cookies and treats for all of the guests to nibble on when they stop by. Be sure to find out the dietary needs of the family first—do they keep kosher? Are they vegetarians?

One can also make a contribution of tzedakah in memory of the deceased, and some families suggest donating to a particular charity in lieu of flowers, which are not traditional for Jews. Don’t bring the check to their home, though—mail it directly to the charity and ask the charity to send a tribute card to the family.

Q. What should I do when I get there? 

A. If they’re expecting visitors, go on in without ringing the bell or knocking. This is because mourners needn’t act as hosts, and therefore shouldn’t have to come to the door. (But if you do arrive and find the door closed, it’s okay to knock or ring the bell.) If you brought food, bring it to the kitchen or add it to the food that’s already set out.

Q. What do I say?

A. The purpose of shiva is to be there to comfort the mourners. You are not there to make small talk. You are not there to make everything better or to explain their loss away. You can’t.

Take your cues from the mourner. If he doesn’t feel like talking, respect that. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I wish I knew what to say, but I’m thinking of you” is enough. A hug (depending on how well you know the mourners) can mean so much.

If you did know the deceased, at some point consider sharing your memories with the mourners. “I remember when your mother used to....” “Solomon always had the best sense of humor, once he told me...”

Q. What happens during the service?

A. This really depends on the community. Often the service will be short. Sometimes mourners or other family members will offer some words about the deceased. Other times those attending the shiva will be invited to share their memories.

Don’t worry if you can’t follow the service or if it’s going too fast. Again, the important thing is that you are there.

Q. Should I bring my kids?

A. This depends on your children and on the community and on the mourners. Is it the home of an elderly member of your community who doesn’t have kids? Or is it the home of the parents of one of your child’s classmates? Are your kids old enough to be respectful, or are they going to run around the house tearing up the furniture and interrupt while the rabbi is speaking at the service?

That said, it is important to teach our kids about the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Once you feel that they are old enough (certainly around bar/bat mitzvah age), plan to bring them along, explaining to them what to expect and teaching them how to be there for those who are in mourning. If your kids are too young to attend with you, you can teach them by telling them where you’re going and why. They might even make a card or help you prepare the meal you are bringing.

Q. What if I don’t see my question here?

A. Leave your question as a comment and we’ll answer it for you!

PopUp Sukkah Deal

Check out today's deal on jdeal.com! A PopUp Sukkah for $279.99, shipping included. If you've been putting off buying a sukkah because it's too expensive or too difficult, you're all out of excuses!