Yom Kippur is over. Weather.com is predicting rain for the next couple of days. The etrog and lulav that I ordered through the temple have arrived. It must be time to put up the sukkah!
Thanks to Sarah Abrams for sharing this inspiring video:
Where do you think they got that etrog?!
For those of you who are putting up a sukkah for the first time (or you did it before but it's been a whole year so you sort of forgot a few things), here's the link back to the entry where Eric and I figured out how to put our sukkah together: http://www.weboughtasukkah.blogspot.com/2011/10/lumber-party.html
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Visit From Shabbat Bear on Rosh Hashanah
Rosh Hashanah fell on a Monday and Tuesday, and we had some wonderful company visiting for the long weekend--Grandma Helene, Papa Stu ... and Shabbat Bear from Noah's preschool! Shabbat Bear takes turns going to kids' homes over Shabbat. We keep a journal of all of his adventures to share with the class. Here's everyone on Friday night. (Except me. I'm the one holding the camera, of course).
Shabbat Bear will have plenty to talk about this week at preschool. Sunday night, we were joined by Eric's sister Caryn and her husband, Dave. Based on what was available at Trader Joe's on Friday afternoon and what I already had in the house, I decided to make a brisket, mashed potatoes, haricots verts (that's fancy green beans) sauteed with garlic and shallots, and roasted wedges of acorn squash flavored with Maple & Spice Pepper from Savory Spice Shop in Westfield, NJ. (I highly recommend it!) And a big salad, of course.
After dinner, Eric and I ditched his family for services at Temple Sholom. Thanks for watching the kids, guys!
The next morning, we took Grandma and Grandpa with us to the children's service. Here we are before the kids had a chance to get all sticky at the apples and honey table:
But wait, the parties weren't over! We had dinner with Eric's whole family at his brother Adam's house that night and lunch with our good friends Tuesday afternoon. I have to say, it was one of the nicest Rosh Hashanahs I can remember. I certainly think Shabbat Bear enjoyed himself.
How did you spend the holiday?
Shabbat Bear will have plenty to talk about this week at preschool. Sunday night, we were joined by Eric's sister Caryn and her husband, Dave. Based on what was available at Trader Joe's on Friday afternoon and what I already had in the house, I decided to make a brisket, mashed potatoes, haricots verts (that's fancy green beans) sauteed with garlic and shallots, and roasted wedges of acorn squash flavored with Maple & Spice Pepper from Savory Spice Shop in Westfield, NJ. (I highly recommend it!) And a big salad, of course.
After dinner, Eric and I ditched his family for services at Temple Sholom. Thanks for watching the kids, guys!
The next morning, we took Grandma and Grandpa with us to the children's service. Here we are before the kids had a chance to get all sticky at the apples and honey table:
But wait, the parties weren't over! We had dinner with Eric's whole family at his brother Adam's house that night and lunch with our good friends Tuesday afternoon. I have to say, it was one of the nicest Rosh Hashanahs I can remember. I certainly think Shabbat Bear enjoyed himself.
How did you spend the holiday?
Thursday, September 13, 2012
What's for Rosh Hashanah Dinner?
I've got guests coming over for the first night of Rosh Hashanah and I have no idea what I'm going to make. I need inspiration! What are you making? Leave a comment and share your menu plans and recipes.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Your Frequently Asked Shiva Questions, Answered
While I was on the board of trustees at Temple Sholom, I was surprised to discover that I was expected to attend shivas for people in the community who I didn’t know well or even at all. I had only ever been to two before, and they were for family members. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if I could handle it. I didn’t want to go.
Luckily for me, I’m good friends with a rabbi. So I asked Leah Doberne-Schor lots of questions while I worked up the nerve to visit a house of mourning. I asked things like “What do I wear?” and “Am I supposed to bring food?”
Leah also explained answers to questions I hadn’t thought of, like “Don’t ring the bell. Just head on in.”
Armed with this information, I was able to handle going to a shiva just fine, and I’ve gone to many more since then. Guess what? I think we’re all better for it—me and the mourners. I didn’t catch their pain. I just tried to hlep them understand that they are not alone.
Keeping in mind that a lack of knowledge may be what holds you back from attending a shiva, Leah and I created this Shiva FAQ. Please read it and pass around the link to this page to those who you think could use it!
Q. What is a shiva?
A. Let’s start by explaining the Jewish funeral. The purpose of a funeral is to bury the deceased. That is considered a sacred obligation that must be accomplished in the speediest manner possible.
But once the funeral is over, our attention turns to the family of the deceased—to the mourners. Jewish tradition teaches that mourners need time to grieve their loss, and that it is the responsibility of the community to be there to comfort them.
The first seven days are considered a period of most intense mourning (shiva means “seven”), a time when in some communities mourners return to their homes or to the home of the deceased, separate from everyday tasks and spend time mourning their loss.
During this time, the community’s job is to comfort the mourners, in particular by visiting them during the period of shiva.
It isn’t usually easy to pay a shiva call. It can feel uncomfortable or awkward to visit when you know the purpose is to be there for a friend or community member who has just lost someone. We don’t know what to say or what to do. Some of the customs can feel strange to us.
And yet, it is important to attend. We can make such a difference simply by being there.
Q. When should I arrive?
A. This depends on the family. Many times a family will announce “hours of visitation.” In some communities, services are held at the house in order to ensure that there is a minyan (10 adult Jews, or, in some communities, 10 adult Jewish men) so that the mourners can recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. If there is to be a worship service, consider coming at that time. If you’re coming at a different time, it’s best to call ahead.
Also, be respectful. If you’re going to an evening minyan, try to arrive a little early to visit, and don’t stay too late. Generally a shiva visit should last no more than an hour, maybe less.
Q. What should I wear?
A. If you’re stopping by the home of a dear friend in the middle of the day, it doesn’t matter. If you’re coming to one of the evening services or to “hours of visitation” for people you don’t know well, you can’t go wrong with business casual—for instance, khakis or slacks with button-down or polo shirt for men, dresses, skirts, or nice pants for women.
Q. What if I don’t know them that well? It feels awkward to just stop by!
A. If the announcement has gone out to the community, then this is a family that wants members of their community to be there for them. Just do it! You don’t have to stay long, but your presence does make a difference, particularly if they might be short the 10 folks needed for a minyan service.
Q. What should I bring?
A. Most importantly, yourself! You are engaging in the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Just being there can let someone know that she or he isn’t alone, that others love and care for them.
That said, it’s traditional to bring or help provide a meal for mourners. Casseroles and fruit salads are popular, as are cookies and treats for all of the guests to nibble on when they stop by. Be sure to find out the dietary needs of the family first—do they keep kosher? Are they vegetarians?
One can also make a contribution of tzedakah in memory of the deceased, and some families suggest donating to a particular charity in lieu of flowers, which are not traditional for Jews. Don’t bring the check to their home, though—mail it directly to the charity and ask the charity to send a tribute card to the family.
Q. What should I do when I get there?
A. If they’re expecting visitors, go on in without ringing the bell or knocking. This is because mourners needn’t act as hosts, and therefore shouldn’t have to come to the door. (But if you do arrive and find the door closed, it’s okay to knock or ring the bell.) If you brought food, bring it to the kitchen or add it to the food that’s already set out.
Q. What do I say?
A. The purpose of shiva is to be there to comfort the mourners. You are not there to make small talk. You are not there to make everything better or to explain their loss away. You can’t.
Take your cues from the mourner. If he doesn’t feel like talking, respect that. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I wish I knew what to say, but I’m thinking of you” is enough. A hug (depending on how well you know the mourners) can mean so much.
If you did know the deceased, at some point consider sharing your memories with the mourners. “I remember when your mother used to....” “Solomon always had the best sense of humor, once he told me...”
Q. What happens during the service?
A. This really depends on the community. Often the service will be short. Sometimes mourners or other family members will offer some words about the deceased. Other times those attending the shiva will be invited to share their memories.
Don’t worry if you can’t follow the service or if it’s going too fast. Again, the important thing is that you are there.
Q. Should I bring my kids?
A. This depends on your children and on the community and on the mourners. Is it the home of an elderly member of your community who doesn’t have kids? Or is it the home of the parents of one of your child’s classmates? Are your kids old enough to be respectful, or are they going to run around the house tearing up the furniture and interrupt while the rabbi is speaking at the service?
That said, it is important to teach our kids about the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Once you feel that they are old enough (certainly around bar/bat mitzvah age), plan to bring them along, explaining to them what to expect and teaching them how to be there for those who are in mourning. If your kids are too young to attend with you, you can teach them by telling them where you’re going and why. They might even make a card or help you prepare the meal you are bringing.
Q. What if I don’t see my question here?
A. Leave your question as a comment and we’ll answer it for you!
Luckily for me, I’m good friends with a rabbi. So I asked Leah Doberne-Schor lots of questions while I worked up the nerve to visit a house of mourning. I asked things like “What do I wear?” and “Am I supposed to bring food?”
Leah also explained answers to questions I hadn’t thought of, like “Don’t ring the bell. Just head on in.”
Armed with this information, I was able to handle going to a shiva just fine, and I’ve gone to many more since then. Guess what? I think we’re all better for it—me and the mourners. I didn’t catch their pain. I just tried to hlep them understand that they are not alone.
Keeping in mind that a lack of knowledge may be what holds you back from attending a shiva, Leah and I created this Shiva FAQ. Please read it and pass around the link to this page to those who you think could use it!
Q. What is a shiva?
A. Let’s start by explaining the Jewish funeral. The purpose of a funeral is to bury the deceased. That is considered a sacred obligation that must be accomplished in the speediest manner possible.
But once the funeral is over, our attention turns to the family of the deceased—to the mourners. Jewish tradition teaches that mourners need time to grieve their loss, and that it is the responsibility of the community to be there to comfort them.
The first seven days are considered a period of most intense mourning (shiva means “seven”), a time when in some communities mourners return to their homes or to the home of the deceased, separate from everyday tasks and spend time mourning their loss.
During this time, the community’s job is to comfort the mourners, in particular by visiting them during the period of shiva.
It isn’t usually easy to pay a shiva call. It can feel uncomfortable or awkward to visit when you know the purpose is to be there for a friend or community member who has just lost someone. We don’t know what to say or what to do. Some of the customs can feel strange to us.
And yet, it is important to attend. We can make such a difference simply by being there.
Q. When should I arrive?
A. This depends on the family. Many times a family will announce “hours of visitation.” In some communities, services are held at the house in order to ensure that there is a minyan (10 adult Jews, or, in some communities, 10 adult Jewish men) so that the mourners can recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. If there is to be a worship service, consider coming at that time. If you’re coming at a different time, it’s best to call ahead.
Also, be respectful. If you’re going to an evening minyan, try to arrive a little early to visit, and don’t stay too late. Generally a shiva visit should last no more than an hour, maybe less.
Q. What should I wear?
A. If you’re stopping by the home of a dear friend in the middle of the day, it doesn’t matter. If you’re coming to one of the evening services or to “hours of visitation” for people you don’t know well, you can’t go wrong with business casual—for instance, khakis or slacks with button-down or polo shirt for men, dresses, skirts, or nice pants for women.
Q. What if I don’t know them that well? It feels awkward to just stop by!
A. If the announcement has gone out to the community, then this is a family that wants members of their community to be there for them. Just do it! You don’t have to stay long, but your presence does make a difference, particularly if they might be short the 10 folks needed for a minyan service.
Q. What should I bring?
A. Most importantly, yourself! You are engaging in the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Just being there can let someone know that she or he isn’t alone, that others love and care for them.
That said, it’s traditional to bring or help provide a meal for mourners. Casseroles and fruit salads are popular, as are cookies and treats for all of the guests to nibble on when they stop by. Be sure to find out the dietary needs of the family first—do they keep kosher? Are they vegetarians?
One can also make a contribution of tzedakah in memory of the deceased, and some families suggest donating to a particular charity in lieu of flowers, which are not traditional for Jews. Don’t bring the check to their home, though—mail it directly to the charity and ask the charity to send a tribute card to the family.
Q. What should I do when I get there?
A. If they’re expecting visitors, go on in without ringing the bell or knocking. This is because mourners needn’t act as hosts, and therefore shouldn’t have to come to the door. (But if you do arrive and find the door closed, it’s okay to knock or ring the bell.) If you brought food, bring it to the kitchen or add it to the food that’s already set out.
Q. What do I say?
A. The purpose of shiva is to be there to comfort the mourners. You are not there to make small talk. You are not there to make everything better or to explain their loss away. You can’t.
Take your cues from the mourner. If he doesn’t feel like talking, respect that. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I wish I knew what to say, but I’m thinking of you” is enough. A hug (depending on how well you know the mourners) can mean so much.
If you did know the deceased, at some point consider sharing your memories with the mourners. “I remember when your mother used to....” “Solomon always had the best sense of humor, once he told me...”
Q. What happens during the service?
A. This really depends on the community. Often the service will be short. Sometimes mourners or other family members will offer some words about the deceased. Other times those attending the shiva will be invited to share their memories.
Don’t worry if you can’t follow the service or if it’s going too fast. Again, the important thing is that you are there.
Q. Should I bring my kids?
A. This depends on your children and on the community and on the mourners. Is it the home of an elderly member of your community who doesn’t have kids? Or is it the home of the parents of one of your child’s classmates? Are your kids old enough to be respectful, or are they going to run around the house tearing up the furniture and interrupt while the rabbi is speaking at the service?
That said, it is important to teach our kids about the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Once you feel that they are old enough (certainly around bar/bat mitzvah age), plan to bring them along, explaining to them what to expect and teaching them how to be there for those who are in mourning. If your kids are too young to attend with you, you can teach them by telling them where you’re going and why. They might even make a card or help you prepare the meal you are bringing.
Q. What if I don’t see my question here?
A. Leave your question as a comment and we’ll answer it for you!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
PopUp Sukkah Deal
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Afraid to Attend a Shiva? It's Okay.
One of the most wonderful things you can do for a person is comfort her in a time of loss. It's also one of the hardest things to do—especially if you don't know what you’re doing. In Judaism, after a funeral there are usually several chances to attend a shiva service. These are usually short and less formal, in someone's home. People bring food, then someone tells them to eat all of the food because people brought too much food.
If you've never been to a shiva, I can understand why you might shy away from the idea of attending one. So Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor and I are writing a Shiva FAQ.
Give us your questions! We'll do our best to answer them.
Monday, August 6, 2012
My New Job
Before I had children, I defined myself by my job. “I’m Jacqueline Ross Lieberman. The food editor. The writer. I work for a national magazine.”
Then I left my job and began freelancing. Some days it felt like I was hanging over an abyss. I'd think, "If I’m not writing right now, what am I? If I keep switching the kinds of jobs I take, how do I define myself?"
Then I had Noah and I became “mom.” Did that mean I was only “mom?” Of course not. Now I’ve grown to realize that I’m more than one thing. I write. I develop recipes. I teach. I’m Noah and Evy’s mommy. I’m Eric’s wife. I’m an active member of my congregation. I’m a blogger. I am all of these things. None of these things define me.
Last week I agreed to license the Westfield section of The Alternative Press with a new business partner, Tom Cusmano. He’ll sell the ads, I’ll be in charge of editorial. This effectively makes me the managing editor of The Alternative Press in Westfield. It’s an opportunity to do something new and exciting, and it's going to take up a lot of my life. But I’m realizing it doesn’t change who I am.
I am all of these things and more. And, as I like to say of my kids, I’m still growing.
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