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Afraid to Attend a Shiva? It's Okay.

One of the most wonderful things you can do for a person is comfort her in a time of loss. It's also one of the hardest things to do—especially if you don't know what you’re doing. In Judaism, after a funeral there are usually several chances to attend a shiva service. These are usually short and less formal, in someone's home. People bring food, then someone tells them to eat all of the food because people brought too much food.

If you've never been to a shiva, I can understand why you might shy away from the idea of attending one. So Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor and I are writing a Shiva FAQ.

Give us your questions! We'll do our best to answer them.

My New Job

Before I had children, I defined myself by my job. “I’m Jacqueline Ross Lieberman. The food editor. The writer. I work for a national magazine.”

Then I left my job and began freelancing. Some days it felt like I was hanging over an abyss. I'd think, "If I’m not writing right now, what am I? If I keep switching the kinds of jobs I take, how do I define myself?"

Then I had Noah and I became “mom.” Did that mean I was only “mom?” Of course not. Now I’ve grown to realize that I’m more than one thing. I write. I develop recipes. I teach. I’m Noah and Evy’s mommy. I’m Eric’s wife. I’m an active member of my congregation. I’m a blogger. I am all of these things. None of these things define me.

Last week I agreed to license the Westfield section of The Alternative Press with a new business partner, Tom Cusmano. He’ll sell the ads, I’ll be in charge of editorial. This effectively makes me the managing editor of The Alternative Press in Westfield. It’s an opportunity to do something new and exciting, and it's going to take up a lot of my life. But I’m realizing it doesn’t change who I am.

I am all of these things and more. And, as I like to say of my kids, I’m still growing.