Chinese Food, Movies, Friends and Family

What's a Jew to do on Christmas but spend some time with friends and family eating Chinese food and watching movies? This year we went to the Jewish Community Center of Central New Jersey for their "Chinese Food and a Movie" event.

Okay, so the kids didn't make it through the entire screening of "Finding Nemo." We had a great time, met some new people and even got to go swimming. Many thanks to the JCC for the free lunch and to the folks who went to work on Christmas to make it happen.

Menorah Art Projects for Hannukah

Every year my son's preschool has all of the kids go home and create a non-working menorah with their parents, then bring them in to share with the school. These families are so creative! Here are just a few of the homemade menorahs lining the halls:

This one's my favorite, of course, because it's the one Noah made with his daddy.

 That's Sammy Spider as a menorah, with 8 legs and a lollipop body for a shamash.

 

Happy Hannukah!

Hannukah Sukkah Sale!

It's that time of year again! A couple of months after Sukkot, the sukkah stores tend to offer their unsold wares at a discount, so it's a great time to get what you should have bought in the first place. Last January I bought our bamboo mat roof.

This month, The Sukkah Project is offering 10 percent off everything from this past sukkah season from now until the end of Hannukah. Plus they're offering discounts on other beautiful Judaica pieces that are perfect for Hannukah gifts. Enter the code SALE at checkout.

Tzedakah for Sandy

Noah is proud that he gave away two gently used backpacks from summer camp to kids who need them.

I've been a bit preoccupied during the last two weeks. You know--superstorm, power outages, internet outages, the gas shortage, no school ... And on top of that I was trying to keep the public informed as the Westfield editor of The Alternative Press.

Now that things are starting to feel a little less apocalyptic, our family is thinking about how lucky we are in all this. Friends of ours are out of their house because a huge tree fell through the top floor. Entire communities have been washed away.

We decided it's time to break open the tzedakah boxes. Noah has one we've been putting coins into since he was born, and we have two more that we add to every Shabbat. On top of that, there's a big coin bank on top of Eric's dresser full of loose change that we've decided should be a tzedakah box, as well. All told, we probably have about $150 in coins that we're going to take to the bank with the kids to be sent somewhere worthwhile.

The question is: Where should we send it?

Are We Talking About “The Holidays” Already?

Yesterday I got a catalog in the mail that said, “It’s not too late to get holiday gifts for everyone on your list!” I hope not. It’s October.

 Then today I saw this post by an acquaintance on Facebook:

So, good for him. And at least he isn’t assuming Hannukah is the Jewish Christmas. But I don’t really want to be wished a Merry Christmas. It always makes me feel so awkward. After all of these years, I still never know how to respond. I usually just mumble, “You, too.”

Am I wrong? Should I just "get over it" like this person says? And what's the right response? I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment.

Second Annual Sunday Sukkah Hop

Welcome to my second annual virtual sukkah hop, brought to you by Temple Sholom's first annual actual sukkah hop, which took place yesterday.

We began at Temple Sholom's sukkah, where rabbi Abraham explained that it is a mitzvah to eat in the sukkah during Sukkot:

We all noshed on some pumpkin bread, then it was on to the Saltzman sukkah:

Rabbi Abraham helped Noah shake the lulav

Then we all hopped in our cars and drove to the Brenner sukkah:

Next up was Ellen Berman's sukkah:

And last, but not least, the Lieberman sukkah:

Sukkah Decorating

So far, our sukkah looks a lot like it did last year. But I love the ideas in this article by Temple Beth El Mekor Chayim in Cranford. I think it's time to take a trip to the crafts store!

Do you have some decorating ideas we should know about? Share them by leaving a comment!

Sukkah's Up, and in Time for Dinner!

Eric wanted to get an early start putting the sukkah together today, and we're glad he did.

 

 

 

 

Soon after he rolled out the bamboo mat roof, it started to rain.

 

Lucky for us, the downpour ended before dinner time. With the cooler air, chicken cacciatore over rice turned out to be the perfect first-night-of-Sukkot supper.

 

I Think I Wanna Build a Booth

Yom Kippur is over. Weather.com is predicting rain for the next couple of days. The etrog and lulav that I ordered through the temple have arrived. It must be time to put up the sukkah!

Thanks to Sarah Abrams for sharing this inspiring video:



Where do you think they got that etrog?!

For those of you who are putting up a sukkah for the first time (or you did it before but it's been a whole year so you sort of forgot a few things), here's the link back to the entry where Eric and I figured out how to put our sukkah together: http://www.weboughtasukkah.blogspot.com/2011/10/lumber-party.html

A Visit From Shabbat Bear on Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah fell on a Monday and Tuesday, and we had some wonderful company visiting for the long weekend--Grandma Helene, Papa Stu ... and Shabbat Bear from Noah's preschool! Shabbat Bear takes turns going to kids' homes over Shabbat. We keep a journal of all of his adventures to share with the class. Here's everyone on Friday night. (Except me. I'm the one holding the camera, of course).

Shabbat Bear will have plenty to talk about this week at preschool. Sunday night, we were joined by Eric's sister Caryn and her husband, Dave. Based on what was available at Trader Joe's on Friday afternoon and what I already had in the house, I decided to make a brisket, mashed potatoes, haricots verts (that's fancy green beans) sauteed with garlic and shallots, and roasted wedges of acorn squash flavored with Maple & Spice Pepper from Savory Spice Shop in Westfield, NJ. (I highly recommend it!) And a big salad, of course.

After dinner, Eric and I ditched his family for services at Temple Sholom. Thanks for watching the kids, guys!

The next morning, we took Grandma and Grandpa with us to the children's service. Here we are before the kids had a chance to get all sticky at the apples and honey table:

But wait, the parties weren't over! We had dinner with Eric's whole family at his brother Adam's house that night and lunch with our good friends Tuesday afternoon. I have to say, it was one of the nicest Rosh Hashanahs I can remember. I certainly think Shabbat Bear enjoyed himself.

How did you spend the holiday?

What's for Rosh Hashanah Dinner?

I've got guests coming over for the first night of Rosh Hashanah and I have no idea what I'm going to make. I need inspiration! What are you making? Leave a comment and share your menu plans and recipes.

Your Frequently Asked Shiva Questions, Answered

While I was on the board of trustees at Temple Sholom, I was surprised to discover that I was expected to attend shivas for people in the community who I didn’t know well or even at all. I had only ever been to two before, and they were for family members. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if I could handle it. I didn’t want to go.

Luckily for me, I’m good friends with a rabbi. So I asked Leah Doberne-Schor lots of questions while I worked up the nerve to visit a house of mourning. I asked things like “What do I wear?” and “Am I supposed to bring food?”

Leah also explained answers to questions I hadn’t thought of, like “Don’t ring the bell. Just head on in.”

Armed with this information, I was able to handle going to a shiva just fine, and I’ve gone to many more since then. Guess what? I think we’re all better for it—me and the mourners. I didn’t catch their pain. I just tried to hlep them understand that they are not alone.

Keeping in mind that a lack of knowledge may be what holds you back from attending a shiva, Leah and I created this Shiva FAQ. Please read it and pass around the link to this page to those who you think could use it!

Q. What is a shiva? 

A. Let’s start by explaining the Jewish funeral. The purpose of a funeral is to bury the deceased. That is considered a sacred obligation that must be accomplished in the speediest manner possible.

But once the funeral is over, our attention turns to the family of the deceased—to the mourners. Jewish tradition teaches that mourners need time to grieve their loss, and that it is the responsibility of the community to be there to comfort them.

The first seven days are considered a period of most intense mourning (shiva means “seven”), a time when in some communities mourners return to their homes or to the home of the deceased, separate from everyday tasks and spend time mourning their loss.

During this time, the community’s job is to comfort the mourners, in particular by visiting them during the period of shiva.

It isn’t usually easy to pay a shiva call. It can feel uncomfortable or awkward to visit when you know the purpose is to be there for a friend or community member who has just lost someone. We don’t know what to say or what to do. Some of the customs can feel strange to us.

And yet, it is important to attend. We can make such a difference simply by being there.

Q. When should I arrive? 

A. This depends on the family. Many times a family will announce “hours of visitation.” In some communities, services are held at the house in order to ensure that there is a minyan (10 adult Jews, or, in some communities, 10 adult Jewish men) so that the mourners can recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. If there is to be a worship service, consider coming at that time. If you’re coming at a different time, it’s best to call ahead.

Also, be respectful. If you’re going to an evening minyan, try to arrive a little early to visit, and don’t stay too late. Generally a shiva visit should last no more than an hour, maybe less.

Q. What should I wear?

A. If you’re stopping by the home of a dear friend in the middle of the day, it doesn’t matter. If you’re coming to one of the evening services or to “hours of visitation” for people you don’t know well, you can’t go wrong with business casual—for instance, khakis or slacks with button-down or polo shirt for men, dresses, skirts, or nice pants for women.

Q. What if I don’t know them that well? It feels awkward to just stop by!

A. If the announcement has gone out to the community, then this is a family that wants members of their community to be there for them. Just do it! You don’t have to stay long, but your presence does make a difference, particularly if they might be short the 10 folks needed for a minyan service.

Q. What should I bring? 

A. Most importantly, yourself! You are engaging in the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Just being there can let someone know that she or he isn’t alone, that others love and care for them.

That said, it’s traditional to bring or help provide a meal for mourners. Casseroles and fruit salads are popular, as are cookies and treats for all of the guests to nibble on when they stop by. Be sure to find out the dietary needs of the family first—do they keep kosher? Are they vegetarians?

One can also make a contribution of tzedakah in memory of the deceased, and some families suggest donating to a particular charity in lieu of flowers, which are not traditional for Jews. Don’t bring the check to their home, though—mail it directly to the charity and ask the charity to send a tribute card to the family.

Q. What should I do when I get there? 

A. If they’re expecting visitors, go on in without ringing the bell or knocking. This is because mourners needn’t act as hosts, and therefore shouldn’t have to come to the door. (But if you do arrive and find the door closed, it’s okay to knock or ring the bell.) If you brought food, bring it to the kitchen or add it to the food that’s already set out.

Q. What do I say?

A. The purpose of shiva is to be there to comfort the mourners. You are not there to make small talk. You are not there to make everything better or to explain their loss away. You can’t.

Take your cues from the mourner. If he doesn’t feel like talking, respect that. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I wish I knew what to say, but I’m thinking of you” is enough. A hug (depending on how well you know the mourners) can mean so much.

If you did know the deceased, at some point consider sharing your memories with the mourners. “I remember when your mother used to....” “Solomon always had the best sense of humor, once he told me...”

Q. What happens during the service?

A. This really depends on the community. Often the service will be short. Sometimes mourners or other family members will offer some words about the deceased. Other times those attending the shiva will be invited to share their memories.

Don’t worry if you can’t follow the service or if it’s going too fast. Again, the important thing is that you are there.

Q. Should I bring my kids?

A. This depends on your children and on the community and on the mourners. Is it the home of an elderly member of your community who doesn’t have kids? Or is it the home of the parents of one of your child’s classmates? Are your kids old enough to be respectful, or are they going to run around the house tearing up the furniture and interrupt while the rabbi is speaking at the service?

That said, it is important to teach our kids about the mitzvah of comforting the bereaved. Once you feel that they are old enough (certainly around bar/bat mitzvah age), plan to bring them along, explaining to them what to expect and teaching them how to be there for those who are in mourning. If your kids are too young to attend with you, you can teach them by telling them where you’re going and why. They might even make a card or help you prepare the meal you are bringing.

Q. What if I don’t see my question here?

A. Leave your question as a comment and we’ll answer it for you!

PopUp Sukkah Deal

Check out today's deal on jdeal.com! A PopUp Sukkah for $279.99, shipping included. If you've been putting off buying a sukkah because it's too expensive or too difficult, you're all out of excuses!

Afraid to Attend a Shiva? It's Okay.

One of the most wonderful things you can do for a person is comfort her in a time of loss. It's also one of the hardest things to do—especially if you don't know what you’re doing. In Judaism, after a funeral there are usually several chances to attend a shiva service. These are usually short and less formal, in someone's home. People bring food, then someone tells them to eat all of the food because people brought too much food.

If you've never been to a shiva, I can understand why you might shy away from the idea of attending one. So Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor and I are writing a Shiva FAQ.

Give us your questions! We'll do our best to answer them.

My New Job

Before I had children, I defined myself by my job. “I’m Jacqueline Ross Lieberman. The food editor. The writer. I work for a national magazine.”

Then I left my job and began freelancing. Some days it felt like I was hanging over an abyss. I'd think, "If I’m not writing right now, what am I? If I keep switching the kinds of jobs I take, how do I define myself?"

Then I had Noah and I became “mom.” Did that mean I was only “mom?” Of course not. Now I’ve grown to realize that I’m more than one thing. I write. I develop recipes. I teach. I’m Noah and Evy’s mommy. I’m Eric’s wife. I’m an active member of my congregation. I’m a blogger. I am all of these things. None of these things define me.

Last week I agreed to license the Westfield section of The Alternative Press with a new business partner, Tom Cusmano. He’ll sell the ads, I’ll be in charge of editorial. This effectively makes me the managing editor of The Alternative Press in Westfield. It’s an opportunity to do something new and exciting, and it's going to take up a lot of my life. But I’m realizing it doesn’t change who I am.

I am all of these things and more. And, as I like to say of my kids, I’m still growing.

Tisha B'Av--Remember That One?

Tisha B'Av starts the evening of July 28. To be honest, I've only observed this fasting holiday once in my life, when I was just 17 and on a NFTY trip to Israel. Before that, I'd never even heard of it. Why don't Reform Jews observe this holiday more? My theory is that it got left out of our education because it's a summer holiday and we didn't learn about it at Hebrew school.

What are your thoughts? Should we be more aware of Tisha B'Av? And how should we go about educating our kids about it?

Am I Oversharing?

Last week, my friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor sent me a great article about how many of us overshare about our kids lives in our blogs and on social media. She included this note: “BTW, I don’t think this is something you’re prone to.”

Well, that’s nice to hear. But I do worry about how much I share about my children, both on this blog and on Facebook. They say that good writing is personal, but I also have to keep in mind that sometime in the not-too-distant future Noah and Evelyn will learn to read, so I need to consider how they will feel about everything I’ve put out there about their lives.

“I think the article picks up on privacy as well as the values of shalom bayit (peace in the house) and lashonhara (gossip). It also has to do with respect for our kids and families—not to air embarrassing stuff in public, not to share what should be private with the whole world,” Leah told me. “It’s something I also struggle with it in my preaching—what and how much to share on the bima—not only of my kids’ lives but mine, too. Often the inspiration for a sermon might be in a struggle or insight I have had in my personal or family life, but that’s not what I share. Sometimes I even wind up with two sermons—the one just for me with all of the personal details and the one to share in public.”

Thinking about this article also reminded me that there’s a very real danger in sharing too much. For instance, child safety experts warn not to post our location when we post photos of our kids because we could unwittingly tell predators their favorite spots in the park and even how to reach their bedrooms. 

When do you think we’re telling too much? What are your worries? Or do you think we’re all overthinking? Leave a comment and join the conversation.

Shalom, Grover

I recently learned that treif is all the rage in Israeli restaurants, which is a huge change since I was there last. In 1994. Hmmm ... maybe I should travel more.

Anyhow, that bacon and shrimp are so popular in the land of hummus makes me think that Miss Piggy is more likely these days to be accepted should she decide to grace Shalom Sesame with an appearance. What made that pop into my head? Because my son is learning about Israel and Hebrew at camp, which made me decide to pick up a copy of  Grover Learns Hebrew at the library and play it for him when we got home and, from around the corner, I could hear it and for some reason that blue Muppet sounds a lot like that pink one.

And now you know how my brain works.

Sukkot Already?!

Of course not. But I'm already making plans! Last year I posted a virtual sukkah hop on this blog. This year I'll participate in a real one with Temple Sholom. I got the email with the date earlier this week and it's on my calendar. I wonder how many people will visit my sukkah. I wonder whose sukkah I'll get to visit. What am I going to serve?

First Day at Camp!

Home from his first day at camp!

I credit Jewish summer camps for deeply influencing my love of Judaism, and for how I find meaning in our religion today. In addition to swimming, dancing and painting, we sang, prayed and made lasting friendships. I began to look forward to celebrating Shabbat, and services became something I enjoyed, not something I was forced to sit through.

Of course, this was sleep-away camp. Noah is years from spending summers away from home, but the local Jewish day camp seems like a great start. This is his second summer there. Today was the first day this year, and though he was nervous to board the bus this morning, he came home happy and excited to go back tomorrow and the next day.

FIGMENT Festival

The only TV we saw all day.

This weekend we took the kids to Governers Island, a huge park that's accessible only by ferry from either Manhattan or Brooklyn, for the FIGMENT participatory arts festival. Everyone had a blast! Noah played a crazy game of mini golf, Evelyn insisted I go down the slide of the treehouse installation about 20 times, and we all enjoyed the listening to music you can't hear on the radio, plus the beautiful weather and a view of giant sculptures with Manhattan's skyline just behind.

What I loved best that day was the complete lack of corporate sponsorship. In fact, there was almost no exchange of money anywhere on the island. Even the ferry ride was free. We brought a picnic lunch and spent the day interacting with the work and even the artists themselves.

Just another reminder that the best things in life are free.

We Love PJ Library!

I just read that PJ Library has given its 3 millionth book to a family in Livingston, NJ. We signed both kids up right after they were born. My kids love getting "presents" in the mail from them, and now their shelves are filled with great titles I might not have even known about.

Got young kids that aren't signed up for PJ Library? Go do it! They now send Jewish childrens' books (and occasionally DVDs and CDs) for free to families in 176 communities across the US. No strings attached. Let's see you get a deal that good with Groupon.

Shavuot Food

Shavuot is coming and I have the vague feeling I should make something dairy, like a cheesecake or my mom's blintz casserole or a batch of homemade ice cream. What should I make? What are you making?

Screen-Free Week: The Aftermath

A couple of weeks ago, my family turned off the TV, logged off Facebook and dedicated seven days to doing more things together as a family. When it was over, we couldn't wait to go back to our old habits. But then something interesting happened--we realized we hadn't missed our screens as much as we thought.

Now, instead of heading to the television after breakfast, most mornings my four-year-old plays with his toys or creates something at his art table. I've stopped worrying that I missed someone's Facebook status update. (If it's that important, I'll find out anyway.) And Eric and I quit taping some television shows that we stopped caring about so that we don't have to feel like slaves to our ever-filling DVR anymore. All-in-all, I think Screen-Free Week was good for us.

Did your family go screen-free? Leave a comment and tell us what happened!

Red Velvet Cupcakes

This morning, Temple Sholom's youngest volunteer helped me make mini red velvet cupcakes for the congregation's Casino Night fundraiser, coming up tomorrow night. Then he had to eat one. You know, to make sure they're good.

Now he's making cupcakes out of Play-Doh. 

My young chef!

Our Screen-Free Week

When I told my friends we were going a week without television, most of them had the same reaction: “Why on Earth would you do that?”

“Wow, Noah must have done something really bad,” said one dad. “It’s more like you’re punishing the adults,” said a mom. “No, no,” I explained, “It’s a way for us to spend more time paying attention to each other. We’re having fun.”

“Even after the kids go to sleep? Aren’t your bored? You can’t even go on Facebook?” they asked. “I think I’d just go to bed early,” said the dad.

For all those who want to know why it was worth it to turn off the screens, here’s an idea of how our week went. (And, in case you’re wondering, my husband, Eric, still used his computer at work and I still had to use mine for email and to work from home, which included reading a lot of articles and occasionally corresponding via Facebook.)

Day 1:

Immediately after breakfast, my four-year-old asks for the Backyardigans.

Me: “It’s screen-free week, remember? No TV. Why don’t you draw a picture?”

Noah: “Oh. Okay. How about after school?”

Me: “Not until next week.”

Noah: “How about tomorrow, then?”

Me: “It’s Monday. You can watch TV again next Monday, in seven days.”

Noah: “Aaauuugghhhh!”

Thanks to some beautiful weather, we spend the afternoon outside with friends. That evening, Eric, insists that the iPad doesn’t count if he uses it to read. I sit back and enjoy a Jennifer Cruisie/Bob Mayer novel that’s been sitting on my nightstand gathering dust for months.

Day 2:

“I want Elmo!” that morning is followed by, “Hey, look, I made a train” with his Bristle Blocks the afternoon. I think to myself, “Either he’s enjoying himself or he’s given up.”

While waiting at the doctor’s to get the cast off his arm that morning (yea!), he tries to crane his head around to watch Bubble Guppies while we wait, but I head him off with one of his favorite books—a kids’ encyclopedia.

Day 3:

Instead of asking for TV, Noah heads straight for the art table after breakfast. Score! Instead of staring at the screen he makes a card to send to his grandmother in Florida.

My friend’s husband is out of town on business, so she meets us with her two kids at the local nature center for a few hours during the rainy afternoon, then they come to our house for pizza.

Eric is out late at Kung Fu, so I read some more of my novel, which is really getting good.

Day 4:

I start to miss Facebook. Logging on quickly to respond to a message (it’s work-related!), I see out of the corner of my eye that a friend might have broken … something. On her body. What? What did she break? What else is happening that I don’t know about? Ugh.

Even though I’m not supposed to know about her broken whatever, I decide to call or text her and see how she’s doing and if she needs any help. Just as soon as the kids let me.

We go to another friend’s for a play date, which helps me make up for my lack of “socializing” online. The kids color and play inside a giant cardboard box, dance and sculpt things out of Play Dough. That night, Eric and I cook together for the Cinco de Mayo party his office is having the next day.

Day 5:

I find a few minutes to relax before it’s time to pick up Evelyn and Noah from daycare and preschool. With no Facebook to turn to, I decide to polish my silver jewelry—a task that has sat on my to-do list for months, taunting me. Ooh, I forgot how pretty this one was!

I take the kids grocery shopping and Noah helps pick out flowers to decorate the house for Shabbat.

Eric and I spend the evening in the kitchen, munching on appetizers and playing Trivial Pursuit without the Wii. Just like old times.

Day 6:

Noah tells me of his plans to watch Backyardigans, Handy Manny and Bob the Builder on Monday. I think he must really miss TV, because he can’t stand Bob the Builder. Ten minutes later he’s asking me to glue together a book he made out of construction paper. He even invented a story to go with the pictures he drew!

We all pile in the car to go for frozen yogurt, where Bob the Builder is playing on a screen I never noticed there before. The sound is off, but Noah sits entranced. Oh, well.

That night, Eric and I attempt to play Scrabble. I forgot how terrible I am at this game. I manage, rather easily, to convince him we should be doing something else. (I’ll leave out the details—this is a family blog! But it beats catching up on episodes of Eureka.)

Day 7:

Noah: “Tomorrow we can watch TV, right?”

Me: “Tomorrow.”

He sings the entire Backyardigans theme song.

I’m writing a story for The Alternative Press on Westfield’s big street fair that day. Without TV to entice him to go home with Dad when his little sister needs a nap, I decide to make Noah my junior reporter. He does pretty well.

I read some more that night and realize that I don’t really mind waiting a little longer to see Game of Thrones.

Today:

Noah asks if he can watch TV now, because it’s Monday! The two-year-old points to the TV and hops up and down. Then she grabs the remote and brings it to me. I didn’t even know Evelyn noticed the television. She certainly doesn’t watch it for more than a minute at a time.

I feel a little relieved that Screen-Free week is over, but a little empowered, as well. Now I know that we can survive and even enjoy more time together without the television, and I’ve been less stressed because I haven’t been trying to keep up with what’s on or who’s saying what on Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook … I can’t wait any longer. Gonna go log on!

7 Jewish Ways to Celebrate Screen-Free Week

Starting tomorrow, my family is going to take part in Screen-Free Week, a yearly celebration presented by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood that encourages children, families, schools and communities to turn off the screens and “turn on life.” For the kids, that will mean no screens at all, and for the adults it will mean no screens for entertainment. We'll actually have to talk to each other!

The concept seems to fit in well with living Jewishly, so I gave my friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor a call to see what she thought. Of course, she loves the idea.

“With our eyes away from the screen, we have an opportunity to shift our focus and perspective,” she said. “This is a chance to not only to find ways to occupy ourselves and our kids without screen time but, and perhaps more importantly, make that time meaningful.”

Keeping the kids (and, let’s face it, the grownups) amused without technology sounded pretty daunting, but I discovered that the CCFC's website has plenty of great ideas on how to enjoy our screen-free time together (as well as how to keep a toddler amused and out of trouble while you take a shower.)

In addition, Leah and I thought up an idea for each day of the week based on traditional middot (Jewish virtues) and mitzvot (good deeds, commandments) that focus on connecting with one another and with the world around us—ideas that help us pay attention to what's right in front of us and what matters most. I can’t wait to get started!

1. Bikkur cholim, visiting the sick. With the TV off, it’s the perfect time for families to make cards together or even cook a meal or some treats to bring someone who is ill, in the hospital or who has just had a baby. Don't know anyone like that? Find out if your local nursing home would like visitors, or if the local hospital could use donations of books, kids’ artwork or some homemade cards.

2. Feeding the hungry. Find out if a local food pantry could use your help organizing or getting donations. If your kids are little, getting a shopping list from a pantry and then shopping together for those items is a great way to teach kids about tzedakah.

3. Enjoying nature. The beauty that God created is all around us. In the story of creation, God repeatedly calls things in nature “good” for a reason! To get started, take a walk in the park, look for shapes in the clouds or pick up a field guide at the library and look around to discover what kinds of plants and animals live in your area.

4. Living with simcha, joy! Look for and find moments of joy by appreciating the simple things— a dish of ice cream, a game of cards or a shared story. Create simcha by putting on some music to dance, painting a picture or blowing bubbles. The idea is to show gratitude for the blessings we enjoy by living with joy.

5. Hachnasat orchim, welcoming guests. It’s a mitzvah to be hospitable, especially to someone who is new to town. Look around—is there a new kid at school, or a new family at your synagogue? Invite them for dinner or ask if they’d like to meet for a play date. You’ll not only do them a favor by making them feel welcome—you could end up with some great new friends.

6. Getting ready for Shabbat. Getting ready for the Sabbath is a mitzvah in itself. There are lots of ways kids can get involved. For example, you can teach them to make challah, set the table together, make paper flowers to decorate the house and even dress up in nice clothes to make Shabbat dinner extra-special.

7. Resting on, and enjoying, the Sabbath. It’s the original screen-free day, and one that many non-Orthodox Jews are reclaiming to put down their iPhones, log off Facebook and step away from the TV. It’s a great time to go to synagogue (yours or any, for that matter) and meet other Jews in your community. Then take this day specifically to relax and do something enjoyable as a family.

Screen-Free Week is April 30 to May 6!

I love TV, and so does my four-year-old. He watches Sid the Science Kid every morning while I take a shower and get his sister ready to head out the door. He begs for his favorite movies in the afternoons, and sometimes I feel good about what he’s watching (Sesame Street videos from the library, Backyardigans) and sometimes I don’t (Cars 2).

Does plopping my son on the couch while I check my email, clean the house or bathe his little sister make me a horrible parent? I sure hope not. But, as with any choice we make, there is “opportunity cost.” What are we missing out on when he’s tuned in to the TV and not to the world and the people around him?

To find out, next week we're going to take part in Screen-Free Week, a yearly celebration presented by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood that encourages children, families, schools and communities to turn off the screens and “turn on life.”

Come back on Sunday, when my friend (a rabbi and a wonderful mommy) Leah Doberne-Schor and I will share some of our own ideas for Jewish ways to celebrate a week without screens.

Happy Birthday, Israel!

I was 16 the first time I visited Israel, about to turn 17. It was a NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) trip, and there were about 40 teenagers in our group. The first night there, in Jerusalem, was also the first time some of us tried hummus. "What is that stuff? I'm not eating that," I heard someone say, but I ripped off a piece of pita dived right in. Funny to think of how much hummus we've all eaten since then.

What's your favorite Israel memory?

Judaica Deal!

In honor of Israel's upcoming Independence Day, Emanuel Judaica is currently offering $20 off your order. Designer Yair Emanuel makes some really beautiful Judaica. (The seder plate I got my brother and his wife as a wedding gift is one of his.)

To get the discount, enter Israel64 at checkout.

How Do We Tell Our Children About the Holocaust?

Today is Yom HaShoah and this weekend my congregation will hold special events to teach about and commemorate the Holocaust. It got me thinking, "How will I tell my kids about this?"

Do you have a story about how you told your children? How old were they? How did you tell them?

Let's Remember Munich

A new petition by the JCC of Rockland County and Ankie Spitzer is circulating which asks the International Olympic Committee to observe a minute of silence  at the upcoming 2012 Summer Olympics in memory of the eleven Israeli athletes, coaches and referees murdered at the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich. In fact, the families of those murdered that day have been asking for this for 40 years, and not a single moment of silence has ever been granted.

Why? Is it because they were Israeli? Because they were Jewish? Because the committee was embarrassed that such an act of terrorism was permitted to occur at those games in the first place? Let's not sweep this piece of history under the rug. Take a moment to find out more at www.munich11.org.

How to Make Matzo Taste Better

When I was growing up in Leawood, Kansas, Passover was pretty much the only time when I consistently brown-bagged it to school. Some of the kids would make fun of my crumbly sandwiches, but very often my friends would want to try the strange pocked crackers I ate.

"Mmm, yum," they'd say, washing down a crunchy mouthful with slurps from a juice box. It wasn't until I met my high school friend John that someone finally admitted the truth. "So," he said, "cardboard is kosher?"

Now, almost a week into eating said cardboard (or potatoes) at every meal, I'm pretty ready for a real  piece of pizza. But it isn't all bad. Several years ago, while reading The Gefilte Variations, I learned that wetting matzo with a spritz of water or a touch of olive oil and then re-baking it in the oven at least makes it taste fresh, which is a vast improvement. Below are a couple of my own "re-baked" matzo creations:

Cinnamon-Sugar Crisps

Spread matzo with softened butter or margarine; sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar. Bake on baking sheet at 350 degrees F until crisp, about 8 minutes. Serve warm.

Matzo Garlic Toasts

Brush extra-virgin olive oil over matzo. Cut a piece of garlic in half and rub the cut side all over the matzo. Sprinkle with sea salt or kosher salt. Bake on baking sheet at 350 degrees F until crisp, about 8 minutes. Serve warm.

Two Seders Later ...

Happy Passover! We had a great time with the Lieberman family this weekend. On the first night, with Grandpa Stu and Grandma Helene at our house, both the kids and the adults loved the coloring book haggadahs I bought from Kar-Ben Publishing.

Evelyn loved clapping along with "Dayenu"

Shot glass chocolate pot de cremes

 My shot glass desserts were a huge hit the next night at my sister-in-law's seder. Thanks, Jayme and Scott, for squeezing over 20 of us into your NYC apartment and feeding us a great dinner!





How are you celebrating Pesach?

Shot Glass Passover Desserts

While browsing ThreeManyCooks.com*, I came across a recipe for Lemon Cooler Shot Glass Desserts. Don't those just look awesome? It got me thinking about what kinds of shot glass desserts I could make for Passover. And then it hit me--shot glass chocolate custards, topped with whipped cream and maybe some chocolate shavings.

I'm going to make the  Pots de Creme au Chocolat from Maida Heatter's Book of Great Desserts, one of my favorite cookbooks ever. It's the perfect custard for a shot glass recipe because the custard cooks completely on the stove, so I don't have to worry about putting them in the oven. (Custards are great for Pesach because, unlike puddings, the thickener is eggs instead of flour or cornstarch.)

What kinds of Passover dessert would you put in a shot glass?

*I met Three Many Cooks bloggers Pam Anderson, Maggy Keet and Sharon Damelio at a conference for the International Association of Culinary Professionals this weekend. Not only do they publish a fantastic blog, they are fantastic people! The three of them spent several hours over the weekend helping me improve this blog out of the goodness of their hearts. I can't thank them enough for their encouragement and advice. Stick around to see what I do with all of their great suggestions!

Why We Should Care About Trayvon

A few days ago, while we dropped our children at preschool, another mom whispered to me, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but do you think our kids safe going to a Jewish school?”

She was referring to the recent murder of three children and a rabbi in front of their Jewish day school in Toulouse, France. I admitted that I experienced that same feeling of dread, even though it happened so far away and the terrorist who killed them is now dead. It reminded me of an incident many years ago when a gunman opened fire on at a Jewish Community Center injuring five people, including three children.

When we hear of something terrible happening to kids who resemble our own, it opens a door in our hearts that leads to a dark and frightening place. I imagine that if you’re African-American or your children are, the Trayvon Martin case opens that same door for you. There’s a voice inside of us that says, “That could have been my kid.” That’s what President Obama meant when he said that if he had a son, he’d probably look a lot like Trayvon.

It doesn’t matter if it’s in France or L.A. or Florida or Scotch Plains, New Jersey. We all love our children and we feel an intense sense of empathy for others who we consider to be our brothers and sisters around the globe. Let's not forget how that feels when tragedy strikes a community other than our own.

Now, as we prepare to celebrate our freedom from slavery in Egypt this Passover, let’s renew our promise to help heal the world, and let’s pray for a day when no parents will feel fear for their children because of who they are or how they look.

An Egg-cellent Passover Brunch Recipe

I don't know about you, but I'm in Passover-shopping mode this week. This weekend I'll make a big pot of chicken stock to freeze. With seders on Friday and Saturday nights, I'm bound to have company at my house Sunday morning, so I also have brunch to plan for! Fortunately, Passover brunch happens to be one of the more popular cooking classes I teach, so I've got plenty of recipes.

Here's one of my favorite ways to incorporate a traditional Pesach food--hard-boiled eggs. If you're boiling eggs for the seder, just add another dozen and keep them in the fridge until Sunday morning. Kids love to help with this one!


Deviled Eggs, 3 Ways

12 large hard-boiled eggs
6 Tbs. mayonnaise
3 Tbs. sour cream
2 tsp. Dijon mustard
Dash of hot sauce, optional
smoked paprika
cumin
cilantro leaves
1 tsp. chopped fresh chives
½ tsp. chopped fresh tarragon

Cut eggs in half lengthwise and remove yolks. In bowl using fork mash yolks with mayonnaise, sour cream, mustard and, if desired, hot sauce. Fill 16 egg whites with yolk mixture.

For Smokey Deviled Eggs, sprinkle 8 filled eggs with smoked paprika.

For Tex-Mex Deviled Eggs, sprinkle 8 filled eggs with cumin; garnish with cilantro leaves.

For Herbed Deviled Eggs, stir chives and tarragon into remaining yolk mixture; fill remaining egg whites.

*Hint: If your budget's not too tight, you can really impress people and top plain deviled eggs with salmon caviar or sprinkle them with truffle salt!

Shabbat Box

Last week, Noah came home from preschool with a "Shabbat box." It's a shoebox that he painted and filled with objects that he made so that we can celebrate Shabbat together--a cup, candle holders, challah cover and tzedakah box. His teachers added a song book, prayers and a recipe for challah.

He was so excited to show it to us. We used it for the first time last Friday, and he couldn't stop bouncing around as we lit the candles and sipped grape juice. That night, before bed, he asked me, "Do you like my Shabbat box?"

"Yes, honey," I said. "It's perfect. You made our Shabbat so beautiful." His grin said it all. We're going to use it again tonight. And next week. And the week after that.

How to Build an Awesome Purim Basket

Friends of ours gave us the most awesome Purim basket yesterday:

Sweet potato chips, freeze-dried fruit crisps, bubbles, chocolates, sweet-and-tangy tangerines and a mini bar-size bottle of Absolut Vodka, all in a beach bucket my kids will use all summer. I absolutely love it!

What's the best Purim basket you ever got or gave?

What's Your Favorite Purim Costume?

Noah can't decide what he wants to be for Purim. A firefighter? Batman? Temple Sholom's Purim carnival is this Sunday, so he'll have to figure it out.

What do you think he should wear? What's your favorite Purim costume?

The "Real" Gift-Giving Holiday

American Jews have come to think of Hannukah as the holiday when we give gifts, but of course the traditional holiday for giving to friends and family--as well as to those in need--is Purim. Check out today's Purim gift deal on Jdeal.com. For $18 you can send a gift to a loved one and One Family Fund will give two to victims of terror in Israel.

I can believe Purim is almost here! What will you dress as?

Singing "Happy Birthday" to the Trees

Today was our chavurah's Tu BiShvat party, and it was our turn to host. We had brunch, a mini Tu BiShvat seder and--thanks to Leslie and her wonderful kids--a birthday cake for the trees!

I explain that we eat three kinds of fruit--fruit with peels or shells, fruit with pits and fruit that we eat all of.

It's easier to keep their attention when you give them something yummy to eat.

"Happy Birthday to you ..."

"What's Your Resolution?"

Leah Doberne-Schor (rabbi and mommy extraordinaire) and I had so much fun writing together about Hanukkah that we decided to do it again for Tu BiShvat. This time, we wanted to share our "New Year's" resolutions with all of you.

“In Judaism, everyone gets a birthday, even trees,” explained Leah. “Tonight and tomorrow we celebrate Tu BiShvat, the ‘New Year of the Trees.’ In recent years, this Birthday of the Trees has evolved into something of a Jewish Earth Day; a reminder of the need to care not just for the trees, but for all of the resources that make up our natural world.”

We all know how important it is to care for the Earth, but we also know how easy it is to just continue with our old routines and keep doing what comes most easily, even if it isn't the best for our planet. So Leah and I are using this holiday as an opportunity to make a few resolutions; little changes to our lives that will help our families take better care of and form more connections with the Earth. Here are some things we vow to do:

1. Make our own green cleaning products. This isn’t just easy—it saves money, too! Vinegar and water in a spray bottle can be used to clean hard surfaces, counters, floors and tile. Baking soda works great on the tub, stovetop, sinks and pots. These concoctions don't smell as lovely as some of the things we’ve bought in the past, but the trade-off is worth it. Not only do vinegar and baking soda get the house clean, but there are no fumes to potentially harm our little ones and pets, no polluting of the air and water and no worrying about having toxic chemicals around that the kids might get into. Plus, we’ll always have a fresh container of baking soda around when we get the urge to bake!

2. Buy less stuff. It’s so tempting to buy new toys and books for the kids. But the next time one of us sees something one of the kids will “really love,” we’ve resolved to step back and think for a minute. “Will he really use this a lot, or will he take it out of the box, play with it for an hour, then toss it on the heap of toys he already has and completely forget about it, moving on to beg for the next toy that he thinks he needs?”

A great way to avoid this problem all together is to stay out of the shops as much as possible. Instead, we plan to take more trips to the library for books, CDs and movies. We'll stop at more yard sales and consignment shops to save great (and often like-new) toys from the landfill. Meanwhile, we plan to find new homes for our lightly used toys by passing them on to friends, donating them or reselling them. We like this idea because it's not just "green," but  it takes a stab at some of the issues of materialism that all families struggle with.

Along the same lines, we plan to:

3. Host clothing swap parties. Leah got this idea from cousin: "So often when I admire my cousin's cute skirt or top, she tells me it came from a clothing swap party," she shared. “I think about all the clothes I just don't wear anymore. Especially after two pregnancies, some of my favorite outfits simply are no longer a good fit. This seems like a fun way to spend an afternoon or evening, and a great way to find a home for those outfits that I just don't wear anymore, while maybe scoring a few cute outfits for me!”

4. Visit more farms! The kids always have a blast seeing how their food is grown and even picking it themselves. It's an important reminder about the connection between the land and our plates. During the winter, Jackie plans to take her kids to see how maple syrup is made. Leah’s even going to bring a bit of farming to her own home by growing a pot of herbs on her porch. Her favorite Tu BiShevat activity for many years has been to plant some parsley in a cup—it's usually ready to pick for her Passover seder.

5. Eat less meat. It takes a lot of water, a lot of energy and (if it's not organic) a lot of chemicals to raise animals for food. And when we buy the cheap kind, it's often the animals that pay the difference with their suffering. To eat meat that was raised better (and is therefore more expensive), we'll make room in our budgets by eating less of it and opting for more vegetarian meals. And to become more informed about how our food gets to us, we'll watch more movies like Food, Inc. and read more books like The Omnivore's Dilemma.

6. Walk more. So often, we choose to get in the car to go a short distance—to the park, to a friend’s house, from one store to another—when we could simply walk a little extra. By vowing to put one foot in front of the other, we’ll put less pollution in the air, use less gasoline and get healthier, too.

After all, it’s the little steps that make a difference.

So, what’s your resolution?

Did I Spell That Right?

As a writer and editor, I'm very picky about spellings. So imagine my horror when I read "Ima on (and off) The Bima" today (with a wonderful Haiku about the upcoming holiday) and it linked to this blog post about how my spelling "Tu B'Shevat" was just WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I have so much to learn.

A Seder ... In February?

Tu B’Shevat—the birthday of the trees—is coming up, and it’s our turn to host something for our chavurah. I decided we need to do a Tu B’Shevat seder, just like we had when I was in Hebrew school. There’s only one problem—the last time I attended a Tu B’Shevat seder, I was actually in Hebrew school.

For advice, I called my friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor. It turns out there are books we can order with the seder service, but she found one seder online that’s perfect young families to do together. Click here to read it.

There’s just one little thing I strongly feel we need to do differently. The author recommends using disposable Dixie cups for the childrens’ juice. I’m going to use reusable cups. After all, this is the Jewish version of Earth Day.

Jews For Gay Marriage!

I'm so proud of our rabbi, Joel Abraham, and all of the other Reform rabbis who testified for same-sex marriage in New Jersey yesterday! See the video:

How to Form a Chavurah (And Why)

“When you don’t have any family nearby, you make your own family.” That was the advice my mom gave me when I moved to the east coast from Kansas. (She herself moved with my dad from Michigan to Kansas City to raise us, so she knows what she's talking about.) That's why, when my good friend Leslie Klieger invited us to help her form a new chavurah with some other families she knew, we jumped at the chance.

So what is this group and why is it important to us? Leslie explains:

“Around the time I became a bat mitzvah, my family joined a chavurah. It was a new experience for us as we weren't a particularly Jewishly active family. High holy days, Chanukah, Passover were pretty much the sum total of our Jewish life. I don't know what motivated my mom to get us involved with these 12 other families, but the decision she made had a lasting impact on my life.

“The word chavurah is commonly translated as 'fellowship.' In practice, a chavurah is a group of people—couples, families or individuals—who come together on a regular basis to celebrate, learn and socialize within a Jewish framework. Our chavurah met throughout the year to celebrate holidays—lunch in someone's sukkah, second night Pesach seder—as well as for learning opportunities for the adults and the occasional social get-together. It brought the Jewish calendar into my life in a way I had never experienced before and we made friendships that lasted a lifetime. (When my mom passed away, I was amazed how many people from our chavurah came to shivah though I hadn't seen them in years).

“Not long ago, I found myself frustrated by the lack of Jewish opportunities in our community for families with young children. Just before Shavuot, I looked around for somewhere to take my four-year-old twins and found nothing appropriate for our family. This motivated me to form a chavurah, remembering the wonderful experiences I had as a child. Because of the young ages of my children, I realized that the group had to be relatively small in order to be manageable. I asked a few friends with similarly aged kids, all with different levels of Jewish observance, some who are members of synagogues and some who aren't, to join me in creating it.

"What we have formed is a closed group (in order to foster closer relationships among participants) that has thus far come together to celebrate Sukkot and Chanukah. Each family volunteered to host and organize one holiday gathering this year so that responsibility is shared, and our events are all potluck to avoid too much work for any one family. It is an ongoing creation that will be continually defined by our group—we might do Shabbat dinners, join together for a mitzvah opportunity or have an evening of adult learning. (And wine. Definitely with wine.) We will figure out together what will enhance our experience and create a vibrant Jewish life for our families.

“Judaism is not a religion meant to be practiced alone; I hope that our chavurah will provide a vehicle for our families to learn and socialize and celebrate and grow together for many years to come.”

Do you have experience with a chavurah? Tell us about it!

Comforting the Bereaved

I talk a lot on here about celebrations, but of course Judaism has taught me a lot about unhappy times, as well. While a teenager at Congregation Beth Torah in Overland Park, Kansas, I remember Rabbi Mark Levin talking to a group of us about comforting those who mourn. “It doesn’t matter what you say,” he told us. “Just be there.” That really stuck with me.

This week I wrote an article for The Alternative Press about a new center opening in Westfield for children grieving the loss of a parent or sibling and their caregivers. Read it here. They’re looking for volunteers. Not necessarily professionals—just “loving listeners.” In other words, adults who are willing to listen and comfort without trying to “fix” the problem.

The first training session will take place at the end of March. What a wonderful opportunity! What a great skill! Learning to face our own discomfort and help those who are grieving—especially children—may be one of the most important things we can do. If you know or someone you know is interested in becoming a facilitator, you can contact the center at volunteer@imaginenj.org.

If your family or a family you know is grieving (and close enough to drive to Westfield), contact info@imaginenj.org to find out how you can benefit.

Ritual Objects

How is it that I’ve never owned a challah cover? My husband and I have various ritual objects given as gifts at lifecycle events (Kiddush cups, menorahs, candlesticks) as well as things we bought for ourselves, but never one of these. 

I’d been meaning to buy a one for a while, so when I saw a 50-percent-off deal on JDeal for Nashoma Network, I decided that that was the cue I’d been waiting for. It arrived last week and we used it for the first time on Friday. 

I really love that we added this beautiful object to our Friday night ritual. As my children grow, I hope to keep adding traditions like this one to our lives.

Sukkah Sale!

It seems that the best time to buy a sukkah is ... right after Hannukah. Right now The Sukkkah Project is holding a special Double Chai clearance sale. Just enter the coupon code "CHAI" when you check out and get 18 percent off anything in stock until January 18.

It looks like now's the time for me to buy that bamboo mat roof.