Hannukah With Our Chavurah

We had a wonderful time at our first get-together with the chavurah* tonight. (It was the group's second get-together, but we missed the first one when Evelyn was wheezing badly. Noah actually went without us!)

After latkes, lasagne, candle lighting, story time and some yummy desserts, we let the kids wind down with the Hannukah episode of Shalom Sesame.

We can't wait to see everyone again!

*Never heard of a chavurah? Neither had we until a few years ago. I promise I'll tell you all about them in an upcoming post!

Latke Central

Lotsa latkes at our house tonight. I made four pounds of potatoes worth for a Haunnukah party with our newly formed chavurah tomorrow. We had to eat the first two batches. You know, just to be sure they were good.

We've been eating lots of Hannukah treats this week. First, I got the kids cupcakes at Bovella's Pastry Shoppe in Westfield.

The next night, we picked up fried Oreo's at the Cod Almighty Chippery.

If you've never had a fried Oreo, imagine a warm doughnut with a chocolate sandwich cookie inside. The Oreo creme gets all melty and the whole thing is covered in powdered sugar. One is plenty. I think Noah has a new favorite "bad" snack.

Combining Holidays?

The New Jersey Jewish News recently began sending out a weekly email called Responsive Reading: The Best Arguments of the Week. The paper finds the best provocative essays of the week and matches them with equally provocative responses. (If you’re not signed up for it, I highly recommend doing so.) This week, of course, the topic of combining Christmas and Hannukah came up, with this mom in favor of celebrating both and this mom against.

My opinion? “Chrismukkah” is insulting. There, I said it. At the risk of offending dear friends and family, I have to say that I find treating Christmas and Hannukah as though the two holidays are basically the same is offensive to both religions. If they didn’t both land at about the same time of year, we would never think of comparing the two. Christmas is about the birth Christ and the beginning of Christianity. At its core, Hannukah is about rejecting assimilation and keeping Jewish tradition pure. See the problem?

Recently, I was repulsed by an episode of “Glee” during which Jews Rachel and Puck sang about and generally celebrated Christmas at school, Rachel whining to her non-Jewish boyfriend that she expected several expensive gifts for Christmas. When another student replaces an unreligious recitation of “Frosty the Snowman” with the story of Jesus’s birth, the camera pans over the Jews listening and smiling along with the rest of them.

I’m sorry but, yes, he’s right—Christmas is all about Jesus. What I don’t understand is why the Jewish kids didn’t get up at that moment and say, “Hey, we don’t belong here.”

I can understand why interfaith parents justify celebrating both holidays. And I won’t pretend I know what’s right for every family, but having grown up celebrating both (at least to some degree), I think kids find it confusing.

I would love to hear your thoughts, whether you agree with me or not.

Meanwhile, tonight I’m happy that there are two holidays I can combine—Shabbat and Hannukah. Happy Shabbanukah.

Best Deal All Year!

Did you know that Hadassah, the Women's Zionist Organization of America, is offering a lifetime membership for only $100? And that the offer--which has been available all during its 100th year--ends on December 31? If you ask me, it's the perfect (non-material) Hannukah gift for a daughter, niece or even a grown woman. Or yourself, for that matter.

Happy Hannukah!

Eight Ways to Celebrate Hannukah--Without the Presents

Leah Doberne-Schor

My good friend Rabbi Leah Doberne-Schor tells this story:

“One of my friends is a minister. He tells me that one of the hardest times of the year for him is Christmas, because every year he has members of his congregation who feel that they must provide the perfect holiday for their family. Some of them go into debt in order to celebrate the holiday season the way society has told them to. Although he tells them that this is not what Christmas is supposed to be about at all, he often feels that he is swimming upstream.

“Truth is, it’s not just Christians who struggle with materialism this time of year. It’s all of us. We all want to treat our kids, to give them something special. But we all wonder – how much is too much? How can we celebrate Hannukah with our kids without teaching them that it’s all about what we give and what we get; what we want and how much we have?”

Of course we know that the message of Hannukah is not “buy more stuff,” but most of us have inherited the American tradition of gift-giving for a winter holiday—for many Jews, this has become eight gifts for eight nights. Every December, whipped into a frenzy by the constant bombardment of television commercials, mailings, e-mails and now Groupons, we feel the need to shop like mad to make our families happy. But are we ultimately making our kids happy, or teaching them to want more? Once the novelty of all these gifts wears off, will they still feel satisfaction, or will the feel the emptiness that leads so many to desire more and more without ever feeling whole?

Now that we both have young children, Leah and I are struggling with this idea ourselves. How can we make Hannukah special and fun without piling on the presents? While we can’t pretend to know all the answers, we thought it might be fun to work together to share eight ways to celebrate—one for each night.*

1. Fry Something New. The story of Hannukah centers around oil—that’s why Ashkenazic Jews eat latkes and why Jews in Israel eat sufganiyot (jelly donuts). Why not try some new fried treats? Fried chicken, fried mushrooms, fried Twinkies—it’s a special occasion, so go for it. Fish and chips places often offer fried Oreos and fried candy bars. To really get into it, pull out your own deep fryer or skillet make something crispy together.

2. Party! Celebrate the festival of lights with family, friends and community. Host a party or just attend one—your local synagogue or JCC is likely having a Hannukah celebration anyone can attend. Especially this year, when Hannukah falls during winter break, lots of communities are having special family-oriented celebrations.

3. Get Crafty. Get out the stampers and glitter pens and create cards to send to family and friends. Make your own (working or non-working) menorahs from found objects. (At Tree of Life in Columbia, SC, where Leah is a member, they use bolts glued to bricks.) Really make a dreidel out of clay, and when it’s dry and ready … well, you know what to do.

4. Gamble … or Don’t. Play a traditional game of spin the dreidel, or make up your own game. Games to try: See if you can get all the dreidels spinning at once; see who can spin a dreidel the longest; can you spin one upside down?; from how high can you drop a dreidel and have it spin?

5. Visit the Library. Gather Hannukah books and movies, then enjoy them together at home. One to look for: “Dinosaur on Hanukkah” by Diane Levin Rauchwerger and Jason Wolff. You can also look to PJ Library for suggestions.

6. Give Some Gelt. Put some coins in the tzedakah box each night of the holiday, then decide together where the money should go. You can use the tzedakah box you use all year, or make a special one just for Hannukah.

7. Reconnect with a Relative. Arrange a phone call with an older relative you don’t talk to often—a great aunt, an uncle or a cousin, for example. Ask her how she remembers celebrating Hannukah as a child, then try some of those traditions yourselves.

8. Create a Special Tradition. Each family is different, so why not create a tradition that is unique to yours? For you, it may be knitting night, or board games, or baking cookies. You may all want to take out your musical instruments and play together. The point is, spend time together doing something you love.

Does your family have a special Hannukah tradition? Are you starting a new one this year? Take a picture and share it here!

*Tradition tells us that the lights of the Hannukah menorah are meant for pure enjoyment. In other words, we’re not supposed to do any work by them. We add a ninth candle (or, in some communities, an extra lamp in the room) so that, should we for some reason do work during the time the candles are burning, we can say we’re doing so by the light of the shamash, and not the festival candles. The point is, while the candles are burning, it’s time to celebrate and have fun together!

Explaining the "S" Word to Kids

I have a confession to make. When I was a kid, I believed in Santa. He came to my house each Christmas Eve and left a gift for each of us, plus a bunch of little things in our stockings. We even made him cookies and left out a bowl of water and some celery for his reindeer.

This was all a lot of fun. But, in hindsight, it was also very confusing, because my family was Jewish and we didn’t celebrate Christmas. As I got older the whole thing began to feel too hypocritical, so when I was a teenager I asked my parents to quit pretending they were Santa to me and my younger brothers. They saw my point, I guess, and that was then end of Santa for me.

Now my four-year-old is starting to ask questions. “Who’s that man in the red outfit? Why are those kids in line?” I’m not sure what to tell him.

For advice, I turned to Michelle Shapiro Abraham, the director of education at Temple Sholom, wife of our rabbi (Joel Abraham), author of many wonderful Jewish books for children and mom of two great kids. Here’s the story she shared:

“My 12-year-old daughter spent today, a crisp and sunny Shabbat afternoon in early December, decorating her best friend’s Christmas tree. It has been a tradition ever since the girls became friends in 2nd grade. Her friend helps us build and decorate the sukkah and spends at least one night of Hanukkah lighting candles at our place. I wonder, in hindsight, if it was my daughter who told her best friend way back in 2nd grade that there is no Santa Claus ... Hmm. I'm going
to need to ask her about that.

“Like all Jewish parents who don't have the jolly red guy showing up at their house on Christmas morning, we had to explain to our kids that Santa's absence had nothing to do with them being naughty or nice. I asked my daughter this evening (after she told me about decking the
halls at her friend's house) if she remembers what we told her about Santa. ‘Sure,’ she said, ‘you told us “There is no such thing as Santa. BUT don't you dare tell your friends! That is for their parents to tell them!’”

“I'm not sure if my kids ever broke that rule—it is difficult to see Santa all over the place and not flaunt the fact that you know he is not real. However, Santa provides us a chance to say as Jewish parents that ‘you may not believe what your friends do and that is ok. You can be nice—even if you disagree.’

“Joel Grishaver, a Jewish author and publisher tells the story of a friend of his who was speaking with her daughter during her first year of college. Her daughter was telling her about the partying the kids in her dorm were doing. The mom, now quite curious, asked her daughter why she wasn't doing that stuff too. Her daughter answered simply ‘Christmas.’ Now truly confused, the mother asked her to explain. ‘Everyone around us believed in Santa and was celebrating Christmas.You told me that we were different—that we had Shabbat, and the Torah, and lots of great holidays. The way you did it made being different sound amazing and special. So—I learned from you that I didn't need to be like everyone else. I could hang out with them— but I didn't always need to do what they were doing.’

“This story always sounded a bit exaggerated to me, but I like it anyway. I like thinking that telling my kids that their friends believe in Santa and get presents on Christmas and that they don't will help build their character. My husband and I try and fill their lives with all of the great things Judaism has to offer, so they don't feel something is missing by not having Santa. As to telling them about the guy in the red suit—all I can do is encourage them not to ruin the fun for their friends (unless they are in college and their friends need someone to ruin their fun ... Then they should speak right up!).”

The Case Against Frozen Latkes

I’ve never had a frozen latke I liked. Until I was in my 20s and living in New York, I didn’t even know these things existed. I’m not sure if that’s because they weren’t available in Kansas when I was a kid or if it’s because my mom simply insisted on making her own.

There’s nothing like a fresh, crisp, oniony potato latke made from scratch—I dare you to prove otherwise. But more important than that is the memory of making them. I remember watching my mom shred the potatoes in her Cuisinart (a sacrilege I continue in my own kitchen), plopping them by the handful into the salted water so that they wouldn’t turn pink while she grated more. I remember the smell of hot oil and frying onions and how we couldn’t wait until she finished making the second batch to devour the first.

If you’ve never made your own potato latkes, give it a shot this year. I promise you, anyone can do it. And, yes, it takes a little time. The oil gets a bit messy. Maybe it’s that extra trouble that makes it them so special. And the taste, of course.

Here’s the recipe I teach students in my private cooking classes:

Basic Potato Latkes

1 lb. Russet baking potatoes
Half of a small onion
1 egg, beaten
4 tsp. flour
kosher salt
1/8 tsp. pepper
Canola oil
Sour cream or applesauce

Peel potatoes. Grate, placing the grated potatoes in a large bowl of salted water as you go. Drain well. Place potatoes in a clean kitchen towel. Twist and squeeze out as much water as possible.

Place the potatoes in a dry bowl. Finely chop the onion. (I use my food processor for this, too.) Stir onion, egg, flour, ¼ tsp. salt and pepper into potatoes.

In pan over medium-high heat, heat about ¼ inch oil until shimmering. With a serving spoon or measuring cup, scoop potato mixture up from bottom of bowl and place in oil. Pat each one down with a spatula. Fry, turning once, until golden. Transfer to metal rack over a paper towel and let stand 1 minute. Sprinkle with salt. Serve with sour cream or applesauce.

*Hints:

To keep latkes warm while you cook, place them on a baking sheet and keep in a 200 degree oven until you’re ready to serve them.

Want to make these ahead of time? Cook them, cool them and place them in the fridge for up to a day. When you’re ready to serve them, place in a single layer on a baking sheet and put them in a 400 degree oven until hot, about 10 minutes.

Make yours different! You can add grated cheese, chopped chives, grated zuchinni or any number of tasty ingredients to your latkes to make them your own. For a special appetizer, make mini latkes and top them with a dollop of sour cream and a spoonful of salmon caviar.