This was all a lot of fun. But, in hindsight, it was also very confusing, because my family was Jewish and we didn’t celebrate Christmas. As I got older the whole thing began to feel too hypocritical, so when I was a teenager I asked my parents to quit pretending they were Santa to me and my younger brothers. They saw my point, I guess, and that was then end of Santa for me.
Now my four-year-old is starting to ask questions. “Who’s that man in the red outfit? Why are those kids in line?” I’m not sure what to tell him.
For advice, I turned to Michelle Shapiro Abraham, the director of education at Temple Sholom, wife of our rabbi (Joel Abraham), author of many wonderful Jewish books for children and mom of two great kids. Here’s the story she shared:
“My 12-year-old daughter spent today, a crisp and sunny Shabbat afternoon in early December, decorating her best friend’s Christmas tree. It has been a tradition ever since the girls became friends in 2nd grade. Her friend helps us build and decorate the sukkah and spends at least one night of Hanukkah lighting candles at our place. I wonder, in hindsight, if it was my daughter who told her best friend way back in 2nd grade that there is no Santa Claus ... Hmm. I'm going
to need to ask her about that.
“Like all Jewish parents who don't have the jolly red guy showing up at their house on Christmas morning, we had to explain to our kids that Santa's absence had nothing to do with them being naughty or nice. I asked my daughter this evening (after she told me about decking the
halls at her friend's house) if she remembers what we told her about Santa. ‘Sure,’ she said, ‘you told us “There is no such thing as Santa. BUT don't you dare tell your friends! That is for their parents to tell them!’”
“I'm not sure if my kids ever broke that rule—it is difficult to see Santa all over the place and not flaunt the fact that you know he is not real. However, Santa provides us a chance to say as Jewish parents that ‘you may not believe what your friends do and that is ok. You can be nice—even if you disagree.’
“Joel Grishaver, a Jewish author and publisher tells the story of a friend of his who was speaking with her daughter during her first year of college. Her daughter was telling her about the partying the kids in her dorm were doing. The mom, now quite curious, asked her daughter why she wasn't doing that stuff too. Her daughter answered simply ‘Christmas.’ Now truly confused, the mother asked her to explain. ‘Everyone around us believed in Santa and was celebrating Christmas.You told me that we were different—that we had Shabbat, and the Torah, and lots of great holidays. The way you did it made being different sound amazing and special. So—I learned from you that I didn't need to be like everyone else. I could hang out with them— but I didn't always need to do what they were doing.’
“This story always sounded a bit exaggerated to me, but I like it anyway. I like thinking that telling my kids that their friends believe in Santa and get presents on Christmas and that they don't will help build their character. My husband and I try and fill their lives with all of the great things Judaism has to offer, so they don't feel something is missing by not having Santa. As to telling them about the guy in the red suit—all I can do is encourage them not to ruin the fun for their friends (unless they are in college and their friends need someone to ruin their fun ... Then they should speak right up!).”
Now my four-year-old is starting to ask questions. “Who’s that man in the red outfit? Why are those kids in line?” I’m not sure what to tell him.
For advice, I turned to Michelle Shapiro Abraham, the director of education at Temple Sholom, wife of our rabbi (Joel Abraham), author of many wonderful Jewish books for children and mom of two great kids. Here’s the story she shared:
“My 12-year-old daughter spent today, a crisp and sunny Shabbat afternoon in early December, decorating her best friend’s Christmas tree. It has been a tradition ever since the girls became friends in 2nd grade. Her friend helps us build and decorate the sukkah and spends at least one night of Hanukkah lighting candles at our place. I wonder, in hindsight, if it was my daughter who told her best friend way back in 2nd grade that there is no Santa Claus ... Hmm. I'm going
to need to ask her about that.
“Like all Jewish parents who don't have the jolly red guy showing up at their house on Christmas morning, we had to explain to our kids that Santa's absence had nothing to do with them being naughty or nice. I asked my daughter this evening (after she told me about decking the
halls at her friend's house) if she remembers what we told her about Santa. ‘Sure,’ she said, ‘you told us “There is no such thing as Santa. BUT don't you dare tell your friends! That is for their parents to tell them!’”
“I'm not sure if my kids ever broke that rule—it is difficult to see Santa all over the place and not flaunt the fact that you know he is not real. However, Santa provides us a chance to say as Jewish parents that ‘you may not believe what your friends do and that is ok. You can be nice—even if you disagree.’
“Joel Grishaver, a Jewish author and publisher tells the story of a friend of his who was speaking with her daughter during her first year of college. Her daughter was telling her about the partying the kids in her dorm were doing. The mom, now quite curious, asked her daughter why she wasn't doing that stuff too. Her daughter answered simply ‘Christmas.’ Now truly confused, the mother asked her to explain. ‘Everyone around us believed in Santa and was celebrating Christmas.You told me that we were different—that we had Shabbat, and the Torah, and lots of great holidays. The way you did it made being different sound amazing and special. So—I learned from you that I didn't need to be like everyone else. I could hang out with them— but I didn't always need to do what they were doing.’
“This story always sounded a bit exaggerated to me, but I like it anyway. I like thinking that telling my kids that their friends believe in Santa and get presents on Christmas and that they don't will help build their character. My husband and I try and fill their lives with all of the great things Judaism has to offer, so they don't feel something is missing by not having Santa. As to telling them about the guy in the red suit—all I can do is encourage them not to ruin the fun for their friends (unless they are in college and their friends need someone to ruin their fun ... Then they should speak right up!).”
Great (true!) story from my family: when I was three years old, my preschool teacher told our class that Santa would bring a gift to each of us. My parents tried to unteach that, but I was insistent. I was also curious how Santa knew which houses were Jewish and which were Christian. (Answer: Santa checks for mezuzahs.)
ReplyDeleteMy parents kept trying to unteach the Santa deal, and I kept insisting on it. Don't argue with toddlers, right?
Anyway, I woke up on the morning of December 25, 1980 with itchy blotches all over my body. According to my mother, I couldn't stop exclaiming, "That's a mean man, that Santa Claus! Gave me my itchies!"
And unlike many of the Jewish kids with whom I grew up, I never, ever wished we did Christmas. I never, ever wanted to go near Santa in the local mall. After the chicken pox episode, I was DONE with him.